Coffee Talk and Elevator Courtesy with Nick

Chris: Hello, world. Welcome to Cann We Complain, the podcast where we rant, gripe, and talk smart to get you ramped up. In this episode, Nick joins us to vent about elevator bum rushers, shopping carts being pushed against traffic, idiots on flights, espresso martinis, and many things. Coffee. Be sure to follow us on all the socials at, can we compllain and let us know what drives you crazy. See you on the flip side.

Nick: Can we complain?

Chris: Can we complain? Can we complain?

Nick: Can we complain? Nice clapper.

Chris: You know why I clap, right?

Nick: To sync up the audio.

Chris: Yeah. You no. You’re no junior. You’re no straight up talent.

Nick: Well, when you’ve been in a/ed as long as I have, you know, you pick up a few things.

Chris: Yes, of course, of course.

Nick: The point, you know, you don’t want to be talent forever. Your looks are gonna fade. Maybe one day. Mine. maybe.

Chris: Maybe.

Nick: Probably not, though. I mean, you know, if you look around like, my grandfather had a full head of hair, I look basically like I’m still 18 years old. Don’t say anything. you know, it’s, it’s a. It’s looking good for Nick. It’s looking good for me.

Chris: If there’s anything I’ve ever said about you, it’s that, it’s always looking good for Nick.

Nick: Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah.

Chris: For as long as I’ve known you.a

Nick: Yeah, Every time I see you, you’re like, wow, it’s looking good for you. And I’ve never really known what that means in a direct, you know, say it to someone sense. But yeah. Yeah, it makes me feel good.

Chris: Well, we so rarely, like, use sarcasm or, you know, any silly way of communicating. We’re always very matter of fact.

Nick: Now that you bring it up, I think I haven’t noticed it before that, but now that you kind of call it out. Yeah, yeah. Never mind. Feeling. Feeling different about this.

Chris: Now I’m writing myself a note to remember to slow down because I tend to speak too quickly. And in this process, I have noticed. It’s funny because I used to think that people, that I was too slow at telling stories because people would be like, let me finish this story for you, or let me interrupt you. And I’m like, God, I must take forever in telling stories. And then having listened to myself sharing things, I’m like, slow down, Chris. Like, I speak really fast. And I’ve talked to a couple of people about it, and they’re like, well, you know, kiss. The thing is, is if you’re passionate about something or you’re getting riled up, you’re getting. Getting ornery. Then you speed up and they’re like, it’s part of your thing. And I’m like, but I just can’t believe it. Because for years I thought I must be so slow. Cause people m. Are just like, get to the point.

Nick: Just hang out with interrupters so you have to speak faster and faster.

Chris: That is true. I do. I do hang out with interrupters. That is, That is just so, you know, on my list of brainstorming ideas for other episodes. I’m sure you’re not shocked. thank you for joining me today, Nick. I’ve known you now. Oh my gosh. So I’ve known Nick for maybe a decade. Okay. More.

Nick: 13, 14.

Chris: yeah, 12, I think so more than. I mean we’ve known each other for at least 10 years.

Nick: Yeah. Our friendship can’t drink yet, but it might be getting a learner’s permit soon.

Chris: It’s not supposed to legally drink, but it’still drinks.

Nick: Yeah. There might be some sort of basement party, you know, who knows?

Chris: Much different than the environment we find ourself in right here, right now, which is a multi million dollar recording studio.

Nick: Yeah. Penthouse apartment recording studio.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: I mean I, I just can’t have ever like really believe how long it takes the elevator to get up here. It’s insane.

Chris: Oh my gosh. Yes. it’s one of the things that you can find in my Google review of the building, which is how long it takes to literally go from floor one to five. You’d think it was a 50 floor building.

Nick: It stopped on three and you know, started flashing red. So I just took the stairs the rest of the way. But yeah, it’s probably fine.

Chris: yes. And I live in a building where there’s no like staircase in the lobby. So even people that live on like the second floor are, ah, like, let me get in the elevator. And I’m like, oh my gosh. This is probably quicker. I mean it would be quicker for you to just take the stairs, but to get to the stairs down the hall and do whatever. Maybe it isn’t.

Nick: Is there really no staircase? Is that legal?

Chris: Well, there’s stairs, but there’s like fire stairs. Right. Like one on the north side, one on the south side.

Nick: Or oh, you need like those nice carpeted like lobby stairs.

Chris: Right. I’m talking about like you walk in and there’s, there’s a set of stairs do go up to the second floor, which is Sometimes happens in apartment buildings.

Nick: Yep.

Chris: Not in this one.

Nick: Well, that’s why I don’t have a second story house or like a two story house. Because if it doesn’t have like a grand ballroom staircase, I’m just not using it. You know, I’m notnna use one of those, like what, three and a half foot wide struggle to get a couch up at staircases. No, not gonna happen.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: No.

Chris: You have a. I know that you have a background in being a performer of sorts and in and out of the bedroom. Of course.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: thank you. And so I was excited to have you here because I’m like, I know there’s things that we can talk about that aren’t going to leave me falling asleep and going, why the fuck am I listening to this? You know? So I appreciate you joining me.

Nick: Yeah. I don’t think I’ve had any, you know, narcolepsy incidents in the audience.

Chris: M. Even if you did, I would encourage you to still join and then I would just cut that out.

Nick: Yeah, right.

Chris: Just the boring stu edit that’s on the floor. Just like Nick.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: Okay. I appreciate you joining and thanks. speaking of the elevator bit with the building, something that has been annoying me, it’s annoyed me for a long time. And I feel like it comes and goes in waves where there’ll be an experience, particularly living in an apartment building or when you go to work at a building where there’s an elevator, people try to get into the elevator before allowing people to get out of it. And it drives me nuts because I think, how is it that you’ve lived? Where is it that you’ve lived? What body part did you come out of? Blah, blah, blah. Where nowhere in life has someone just said to you, yo, protocol is people get out before you get in. It’s kind of just like I feel like my mom said it to me when I was a kid and I never had to hear it again. I don’t, I don’t think it’s that complicated to learn about this or to take it in. but regularly there are people that in my building even try to get in before I’ve gotten out. And also this happens on public transit trains, on like cars on the light rail or, in the tube, as they say. yes. And it just drives me nuts because there’s this weird moment of space negotiation. Like not even negotiation, just shock. Because I’m at the door, it opens. Now I am paused because I can’t go out like I was going to. You have decided to just walk in and, like, sideways and buckle through people and do whatever. I’m standing there watching like, oh, my gosh, this person’s an idiot, Oftentimes wearing headphones in their own world, doing whatever they’re doing. And then I’m like, okay, so I’ll get out. And then I always turn back and look and I think I’ve probably even said out loud, like, what did you just save so much time? It’s just going so much faster now. Like, look at you. It just drives me nuts. It drives me nuts.

Nick: You got the elevator bum rushers, the people. You’ve got someone standing next to the button clearly already lit, and somebody else comes up, pushes it and just stands in front of them in front of the door like, what? What are you gaining, sir? Like, we’re gonna have to stand next to each other for the next. And now I’m just gonna. I have to press every button inside. You’ve done this to yourself. You realize that, you know, mischief and shenanigans should be met with only two things, Mischief and shenanigans.

Chris: I’ve never. I’ve only accidentally pressed the wrong button in the elevator and then felt like, oh, shit, I fuck this up for someone. I’ve never done it on purpose.

Nick: Way better if your apartment building had stairs because then you could just get out and laugh as you climb the stairs. Got some good exercise, a little aerobics, and then, you know, you meet them at their floor because, like, they beat you in. They pushed theirs already. You know where they’re going.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: So, yes, again, nothing intended. Just saying mischief and shenanigans, you know?

Chris: Yes.

Nick: No. I think a lot of people learn at some point that, you know, those little moments, nobody’s going to hold them accountable. There is gonna. There’s gonna be no repercussions, no consequences. And so it just continues. And, you know, I’ve said it often. I wish I could do that. Like, I really do. I think it would be a nicer world if all of us were oblivious, Sina, not just some of us.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: You know, we could just interrupt each other. Ceues didn’t exist. It was just about mashing and moshing into, like a grocery store line. Like Costco. Like Costco checkout. It’s actually. It would be exactly like Costco checkout. So. Yeah. Do you have a Costco membership?

Chris: I don’t. I’ve gone to Costco with a friend to buy things, and I don’t recall the checkout being insane. I mean, I feel like, there was a line. I don’t know.

Nick: There’s. There’s. Usually it splits into lines, but, like, at the back, it’ll kind of. It’s like an amorphous blob of carts and people just jockeying to get to, like, what they perceive to be the shortest line. Yeah, but most people are so spatially challenged that they’re looking at, like, the number of wheels in front of them and not the contents of the carts. So it’s like, I’d rather be behind guy with six things of toilet paper and two carts. Then, you know, lady with 400 things in one cart just piled up.

Chris: Yes, but.

Nick: Yes, that’s just me.

Chris: I think I was overstimulated when I went to Costco because. Because I don’t have one of those memberships.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: It’s like, I hadn’t been in a building like that in many years, and then all of a sudden, I’m like, look at. There was so much stuff. There’s stuff everywhere.

Nick: It’s all good stuff too. I mean, unfortunately, your brain will be like, oh, yeah, I could definitely go through, five gallons of, of olives this month. Yeah, it expires three weeks after opening. But, yeah, definitely.

Chris: I could.

Nick: Yeah, I could. I should go through that.

Chris: I thought it was funny because my friend that I went with, he is an att. Ah. Attractive straight man, who. I don’t know if he was married at the time, but he’s married now, and it was funny to go with him. And I’m very much with all of my friends. And I was like, oh, let me touch his shoulder. Let me tell you about this thing. Oh, look. Would this be cute? Oh, you could totally use this. And there was this gay couple there that were older, and I noticed them keeping. They kept staring at us, and I’m like, they think that we’re together. And then I was like, well, this is cute and fun, and I’m gonna kind of play with it. Where I was like, oh, you’re just so funny. I just love shopping with you. Meanwhile, I’m overstimulated from the bulk products all around me that I was, like, high on life. It was ridiculous.

Nick: it’s like a wholesale Aldi we where, like, there’s only one product type, you know, three types of tuna for some reason. But most everything is s. Just one type. Fill half your cart with it, bring it on home, have it for a year.

Chris: Well, when you’re talking about the lines at Costco and it’s like, people are. I’m, noticing that people tend to have actions as if they’re in a hurry, as if they’re getting somewhere, but then they’re really not, or they are not. Either they’re not actually in a hurry, or the result is not that they’re getting anywhere more quickly. I think about when you’re driving down the street and someone has to turn right in front of you, and then they’re going, like, under the speed limit or something, and it’s like, why were you in such a hurry to get ahead of me? Because you’re literally not in a hurry. It’s really weird to me. I don’t get that.

Nick: You know, if. If foresight was a thing that most people had, you know, then we’d probably see like, you know, better retirement communities, senior care, things like that, you know. But unfortunately, what we’re stuck with is, you know, morons are like, let’s. Why another retirement home? At the same time that they’re like, my mother needs to stay in a retirement home. And it’s just like, okay, well, thanks for doing the math on that one. Yeah, everybody wants to buy a house in Lauderdale, right? But there was a bunch of, contention that people, were living in their houses, quote, unquote, too long, which is an insane concept. It’s like, welcome to America. It’s their house. What does that mean? So outwardly judgmental about random things. And, they put up a retirement home in Lauderdale. They tore down this old school building. They put up a really nice new building. It looks amazing. And everyone’s up in arms about it. Even though people are moving out of their houses. Houses are for sale in Lauderdale again. We actually had kids this Halloween. We actually had kids. We always get candy. This year we didn’t, because it’s been like eight years of our doorbell never ringing. And it rang, and we had to scrounge the house for candy. So I had hockey candy bars. You know, like the ones you can buy for a dollar while they fundraise. I just. I was like, oh, thank God.

Chris: So how did you have any of those left in your home? I. They would be gone so quickly in my.

Nick: Oh, no, I gave them Serenas. Oh, yeah. No, I didn’t. I didn’t have any left.

Chris: That’s nice of you.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, she was cool with it. She wasn’tnna eat them.

Chris: Well, like these. Okay. The people with the. Well, so, first of all, I didn’t. It didn’t even cross my mind about nursing homes. This is a Thing of like not planning for the future of whether you’re in a rush or not. I’m thinking of. So one of the things that I think about, that annoys me about traveling. For example, part like flying is in airports where people are gathering in some blob. Nebulous Blur. Bl. Blur. In the, O. In the terminal. I don’t know what you call the hallway, but the hallway. And they’re like in no real order. You know, it’s funny because when you’re forming a line, you could just form the line along the back side of the chairs that are there or along a wall or something.

Nick: No, you wa. Want to stand right in the middle of the hallway. Concourse is what it’s called concourse.

Chris: So standing right in the middle of the concourse, or just spread around like Tetris pieces that are frozen and you have to like get through them somehow. And then if you happen to be someone who is able to board the plane quickly or in the first part of the line, then like, you’ll have to scuffle through the people that are for some reason thinking once again that the plane is gonna take off any faster if they are taking up people’s way for no reason.

Nick: Right.

Chris: Or if they get on the plane before three people that otherwise would get on the plane before them, that they will somehow take off quicker or the flight will be better. And you’re also just getting into a plane to board and sit there. I feel bad. I shouldn’t say feel bad. I don’t feel bad for people in first class. But to get in the airplane and sit there and watch every motherfucker walk by after you. Okay. If you’re getting a beverage or something, then great. That’s maybe something you can justify with. But I don’t want to be on the plane for any longer than I need to be. I don’t know what the purpose is of rushing to go sit in a cramped chair.

Nick: The dude’s done the math. And he’s got an hour and 57 minute flight to, O’Hare. And he’s got a two hour and one minute movie. So, you know, he’s got a. Hurry’s got. He might miss four minutes of credits, you know, what’s he gonna do?

Chris: I think you’re giving this ra Ma random made up person too much credit.

Nick: Oh, I am. That’s the point, right? Like there is no sane reason to need to do this, sir. I’m assuming this is a round trip flight. Watch the rest later. And again, this Is.

Chris: And, and you know, I mean, it just, it doesn’t make sense to me to be in a hurry to get somewhere. To have your first leg of anything happen when ultimately it’s not going to make a difference about your arrival time. You’re go going toa sit in a cramp chair for even longer. Congratulations. Oh, I had room to stretch my legs in the airport. I could have gotten myself a little snack. I could have got those little pick the chips, the tickle spearses that are cut like whatever coins. You could have gotten some little m nuggets, some little magic. You could have sat at the bar for five, for 10 more minutes and had a drink. But instead you were in a hurry to stand like an idiot waiting to get on a plane where you’re gonna go sit in a chair staring at the back of another chair for however long it takes for the rest of the plane to fill out.

Nick: Right.

Chris: One benefit I can think of other than planning your movie time, is if you really need to get that carry on in that overhead bin.

Nick: Right.

Chris: That’s something I, I personally have had to leave my carry on next to the plane many times. I’ve never felt that my rights were violated. I’ve never cried about it. But it is nice to have your bag right there. So that’s a thing. I don’t need to be on a plane early for that, I don’t think. But you know, maybe someone does.

Nick: You can bring like a personal item and a carry on. On. Right. So like what’s, what’s your personal item versus your carry on?

Chris: Well, if I’m traveling for work, a briefcase.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: Like it’s common for me to do that because if I’m traveling for work, I’m generally going somewhere where I’m bringing a computer, paper, blah, blah, blah.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: so when I’m traveling for work, that’s a thing. But when I’m traveling for personal, I generally don’t have anything because, when I was a young gay man, I would have like a satchel, you know, I would carry more things with me. Now that I’m a middle aged gay man, I have like money and a cell phone.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: And like a toothpick and that.

Nick: I’m good white shirt and a toothpick. You’re set walking at any bar, you’ve got a vibe.

Chris: I don’t need my toothbrush and my toothpaste. I don’t need that ibuprofen. I don’t need these things that I needed when I was young and poor because I was more attractive. And I couldn’t just buy these things on a whim because I was on a budget.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: Now I’m like, just buy me some pills and shove some shit in my mouth.

Nick: All, right. What are we talking about again?

Chris: But also like, asking for things while the plane is boarding. Okay, first class people. I think first class people, if you’re flying first class that while the plane is boarding, if there’s a little break in the people, that an attendant will get you something if you need it.

Nick: Dude, it’s not even a break in the people. They like, peek over people’s heads. They’re like, you need something, you need a Dr._ay you need a snack. It’s fantastic.

Chris: See, and I’ve only flown first class, m. I think twice in my life and one time recent, like in the last few years. and so I’m not the most well versed in the experience. I’m the one that walks by all the people in first class and it’s like, m. I’m just a couple rows back though.

Nick: Yeah, yeah, you wait for your drink.

Chris: I’m two my take Comfort plus or whatever, right?

Nick: No, but pro tip. I mean, you hop on the Delta app day of, and you got your miles and you’re like, wow, what am I gonna use any amount of miles for? You’re always like, either in between an upgrade. You know, you’ve got enough for an upgrade, but not enough for a full flightus. I use them on stupid shit like this. hop on their day of, you can get a first class upgrade from like main cabin for almost no miles. I mean, it’s super cheap. Oh, yeah. And so then, yes, you do. You go into the maelstrom in the concourse, right? You walk through all these people who are lining up with their main cabin boarding, you know. Okay, cool. Thanks for getting in the way. Awesome. Thanks for bringing three carry on that you strapp together with a fucking bungee cord so that they don’t think to. Oh, it’s. Oh, it’s more than one PA no, it’s got a bungee cord. That’s one item. Yeah, that’s gonna fill up an entire overhead bin that we designed in 1957. But yeah, sure, absolutely. Bring that aboard. and then you go right past them and you put your gigantic carry on on, fill up an entire half a bin with your crazy sized backpack, blink, get yourself a Jack and Coke because it’s the best thing to fly with. And, again, just drink until you touchdown. you know, free drinks, first his class. Here’s the nice thing about that. airline delays have been getting like, flight delays have been getting atrocious and it’s getting harder and harder to just like sit in the main cabin. People get antsy. Like, they’re indignant that this flying magical machine hasn’t left the ground yet.

Chris: Y.

Nick: Like they could somehow make it happen if only they were in charge. O those mechanics, they don’t know what they’re doing. You don’t know what they’re doing either. So maybe again, shut the fuck up. yeah, yeah. We sat on the tarmac for an hour at leaving, Chicago. And I had upgraded us again, I think it was like 3,000 miles to upgrade, the both of us to first class. And it was gonna be a two hour flight, but we sat on the tarmac for an hour.

Chris: Yep.

Nick: Just drinking.

Chris: Yep.

Nick: It’s fantastic.

Chris: Now that is a good time to have upgraded. There’s you know, having lived in Minnesota and Chicago, having done that flight many times.

Nick: Yeah, hold on a second. Why did. Why. Do you remember why we planned a trip to Chicago?

Chris: for selfish reasons that had nothing to do with me. And then it was, are you going to be there? And I had already moved.

Nick: Yeah. Good heads up. Good heads up. Can we complain about friends not updating their emergency contact information with you? I’m assuming that all of our listeners have emergency contact information for their friends. So when they go missing, they can contact their parents or relatives or any emergency c contact, you know, but not Chris.

Chris: You know, I’m a free spirit and I’m a gypsy.

Nick: Yeah, that’s true.

Chris: Yeah, it is true. I really like candles.

Nick: You just flit around.

Chris: you know, I’ve been on that flight many a times, most, often with Delta. And I don’t know if there’s something about their process, their, their system setups where because it’s such a, like, not a long distance flight that the planes end up being used for that trek when they are needing service or when something’s going on where you sit on the tarmac. Because there are flights where I book it and the flight time is 50 fucking minutes. You get on the plane and you sit there for an hour, then you get into Chicago and then you taxi for another 40. It’s like you were in the plane for longer than it fleweah and it’s just from Chicago to Minneapolis. And so it’s like, what the fuck? That can be frustrating. And I’ve just noticed more and more that it happens with this, with Minnesota to Chicago. And it’s a conspiracy theory but I think they might be like, oh, this plane’going to need some love. Like when it happened to me, very similar story to you where I sat on the tarmac for an hour at least. And it was because they there’s some sort of FAA regulation where there has to be more than one working bathroom on a flight. So one of the toilets was having an issue or something. So they had a mechanic there, they were trying to fix it, they’re trying to do whatever and it took them over an hour to get this the problem solved. And it’s like, do you realize if we would have just taken off we would already be at our destination. And like, I get it, you need more than one toilet. But I think if you would have taken a quick survey, everyone would have been like, we can have one toilet.

Nick: For this flight, we’re gonna be fine.

Chris: But then there would be one person who would be like, oh, I need my alternative toilet to use. They’re like the same, just ones in the front, ones in the back. But then you get into, you land and then everyone gets up out of their seats immediately in this like huge rush. And once again they’re in row Z99.

Nick: And they just rush to the front.

Chris: They are up and hurry. And you know, I think there is something about when people, you know, when flights are delayed and flight attendants say if someone is trying to get a connecting flight, please allow them to leave first. Fair enough. But when you made your travel choices and you got rose se z 99 that you’re, I’m sorry, what do.

Nick: You expect to safety for inconvenience. Okay? Because let’s be real, it’s the tail’the people at the tail of the plane that you know, always survive any sort of head down plane crash. Right? I mean if anyone survives, that’s o. But I’m just saying you made that choice out of some h. History channel docuer series decision, okay? You get to live with your choices. That’s all.

Chris: What a terrible choice. And then standing up and oh, here I am. And I’m gonna bend over and I’m gonna blah blah, blah. And it’s like we aren’t leaving this plane for 20 minutes. Calm down.

Nick: Yeah, as long as I stay in this seat at the absolute front of the plane, I get free drinks. So just sit your ass down. Z99.

Chris: That’s funny. I’ve made. You know, you get a good rapport also with a flight attendant and Then all of a sudden you’re getting the extra drinks and they’re treating you with some, they’re giving you the blanket they know doesn’t smell or something and it’s like, oh, thank you.

Nick: Well, you got to know I think a lot of interacting with the service industry and I would regard flight attendance as in the service industry.

Nick: Knowing what they actually go through on like ah, emotional ah level, on a financial level. Because that hour on the tarmac, they are unpaid. They’re not paid for that. What Attendance are paid for the flight. So everything they’re doing between when the doors open is unpaid. When those doors close, they’re getting paid. But that’s a huge thing. So like on our last, when we were stuck, I, you know, everyone’s boarded, we’re just standing there or sitting there. Excuse me. They’re standing in the galley and I just get up, I’m like, hey, can I grab another drink? And the guy just reaches over, grabs a handful of bottles and puts him in. I had to put both you. I had to cut both hands and take him back to my seat. And that’s the best part too about first class is then you walk back with your free stuff like, ha, I got so much I can barely hold it. but what I’SAID on approach is I was like, I heard something like, you guys don’t get paid right now. Is that accurate? Yep. Nope. We got toa get off the ground. One guy, one of the attendants was a little upset.

Chris: My mind is blown to hear this. I’m shocked because they’re obviously occupied for the company while everyone’s doing their shit, getting the plane ready to go.

Nick: Yeah, you’d think there’d be like some Department of labor issue with that because like in any other industry, if you’re on the job site, you’re supposed to, if you’re on the job site not able to leave, you’re supposed to be getting paid.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: but again, there’s all sorts of, you know, models who serve, you know, waitaff. That have to be a certain beautification, standard to keep serving cocktails at high end restaurants. What, what is that? I don’t want that. I want a 95 year old waiter who like set the entire table in 10 seconds. He knows exactly what I want to eat. I’m looking at the menu with like, you’d like the red sauce. I’m like, I would like the red sauce, thank you. Yeah, just whatever you want me to eat. That’s the kind I want service with experience.

Chris: Well, he’s my favorite server at Hooters when I go there.

Nick: I did not know, you must be going for the wings.

Chris: Definitely the wings.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: Yes. I went to hooters for my 13th birthday because my dad brought my friends and I to the mall of America and there was the Hooters there at the time.

Nick: That’s amazing.

Chris: And he asked if there was anything that they do for birthdays, thinking that they’re go going toa bring out like a piece of pie or a piece of cake. And all of the hooter girls have their big serving trays. They’re slamming them together to get everyone’s attention in the restaurant. And then they have this 13 year old homosexual to stand up on a bar stool and sing like, happy, happy birthday. Look at our titties. Blah blah, blah, blah blah blah. Ye y yay y yay bum. and I was so embarrassed. I just remember looking at my dad like, how could you have done this? Thinking that he knew what was gonna happen. And so then they all clap and they leave and it goes on. If it happened to you or I today, we would be like, that’s funny. But I was like, covered in pimples and crazy. And I’m like, what is going on? I don’t get it. And like, why did you do that? And he’s like, I really thought they were just gonna bring you some pie. And I’m like, o I don’t know. I don’t know why I even said that. Hooter story, it’s ridiculous.

Nick: I’ll one up that a little bit. I don’t know about one upping. I’ll add to that. Excuse me. I spent my 21st birthday at the same Hooters Mall of America.

Chris: No.

Nick: Yeah. And then we, my friends chose that spot because I was the last person to turn 21 in the group. And I wanted to spend my 21st birthday not just with the. The guys, but with my girlfriend. my girlfriend at the time. And she was working at mall of America. So she got off of work, we were at Hooters. She joined us. Super awful, the whole experience. Cause I don’t eat wings, I don’t drink beer. Right at that time in my life, I was chugging coffee at parties. and then we went to. They were like, alrigh algh. We gotta go find another bar. Let’s go find a hole in the wall. Because I love hole in the walls. I grew up in Osso. There’s like two hole in the Wall bars and one Main street. You know, it’s like that kind of town. So we go to Richfield. We go to Sandy’s, which is a bar my mom used to go to. It’s like three blocks from where she grew up, like, the house she grew up in. And we get in there and a buddy’s like, let’s get some shots. Sandy’s. I don’t know if it’s still there, but at the time or it was a dry bar.

Chris: What is dry bar mean?

Nick: Right. I’ve never heard this term since, and I never heard it before. They don’t serve hard liquor.

Chris: Oh, just wine and beer.

Nick: Just beer. Oh. so we just got a couple of pictures of beer, played some shitty darts. And then of course, because we were drinking beer in a dive bar, everyone was like, well, we’re pretty tired. It was like 10:30. I was like, all right, get out of here. We’re done.

Chris: Yeah, the story definitely doesn’t top my story.

Nick: No, yours is way better. I had. Had pimples still, you know. Yes, 100%. Yeah.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: Well, this is it.

Nick: Mo Moa. Hooters.

Chris: Yeah, Hooters at the Mall of America.

Nick: Yeah. What are you gonna do?

Chris: I mean, the log ride was so much fun, though. Like, I. We went for the rides, right? Because I was 13, I wasn’t 21.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: So we went for. At the time, I think it was Knott’camp Snoopy.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: And I love that log ride.

Nick: M. Do you still enjoy going on rides?

Chris: I do like rides and, you know, o. yeah. I think overall, I would say I do. I don’t. Like. Like, one time I went to Valley Fair and there’s an old roller coaster that’s like wood y. And that. I won’t do that again.

Nick: Really?

Chris: Because the ricketiness of it makes me feel like I am going to be flung to my death at any moment.

Nick: Oh, that one’s the best.

Chris: See, and people love that. I like. I’ll go on the biggest, scariest, craziest one if it’s, like, modern and I feel safe.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: But that wood one, the shaking and all this stuff, I’m like, this is. I’m gonna just be flung out of here.

Nick: That’s half the fun. It’s danger, it’s adrenaline, it’s engineering, and you’re gonna be fine.

Chris: I can’t handle it. I can’t handle it.

Nick: We got, we got late, night, like, resort passes for the animal kingdom when we were re in Orlando, Miami last, whatever. Orlando. Sorry. And, they had like a. Remember, like the Mouset trp, roller coaster. Like really small carts, really tight turns, just super small.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: we were. We were there. It was probably midnight. We’re drinking. They’re just like having. They have like food. It’s a great experience to do like one of these late night Disney passes. Parks empty, but most of the rides are still open. anyway, going around on that thing as a 30 year old ended up breaking a rib when one of the things. I was turning to talk to Serena, talk to my partner, and I was like, this is fun. We’re having a fun time. And right at that moment, it twisted and jerk. Stopped and I just went. And all the breath got knocked out of me and I was just. Okay. That was weird. That was weird. Hurt like three, four days later when we got back, went to the doctor and she assures me that there’s no way you have a broken rib. Because if you had a broken rib on a plane, it would. It could kill you, apparently. It could float into your ribs. Decompression, something like that. I don’t know. She gets the X ray done and she comes back and she just starts laughing. She’s like, oh, you got lucky. And that’s why she’s still my doctor. I love that energy in a doctor, you know, not this, like, how did this happen? But she’s. Oh, yeah, things happen. That was good. That’s what I want for my medical professional.

Chris: you got lucky, doctor.

Nick: Yeah, maybe not my dentist. You know, like, you break a tooth and they’re like, yeah, but did you get the beer open? You don’t want that, right? Yeah.

Chris: Amen.

Nick: Amen.

Chris: Another thing about the shopping bit and people being in the way that I want to make sure we. I actually say, when you’re so, like, also at Costco, this could happen at Costco. This can happen really anywhere where there are shopping carts. And I. Let’s just. Let’s, We can chalk this up to maybe my white male privilege. I’m just gonna throw out something stupid like that. Like, oh, I happen to be smart enough to have put together a couple dots over my lifetime where shopping carts and being in the grocery store. I’m just gonna say grocery store. It doesn’t matter what store should operate in a sense like a road. Like, push your cart on the right, stand behind your fucking cart. If you need to get something in an aisle where there are four or five people jockeying for some sort of position, leave your cart away from these People walk up, put it to the side, move it to the side somewhere. And, preferably not covering up something like boxed macaroni and cheese at a dollar store with a million children in it. you know, I don’t use common sense where you’just put the cart aside, get your shit, move along your merry way, but stay to the right. It’s like walking on the sidewalk. Walk to the right. Why are you walking to the left? You’re bucking traffic, making everything hard for everybody, and being like, look at me, I’m. I got this figured out. It’s like, you just look like an idiot. Frankly, I think you look like an idiot.

Nick: I think there’s way too many options at most grocery stores. Like, I don’t need six different brands of black beans to choose between, you know?

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: Like, give me some prijoles in a can. Let me move on with my life.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: You know, I saw a person holding garbanzo beans in a can and chickpeas in a can, just staring at the photos, you know, and they’re like, ah, which one is which? You know, like, trying to figure out what their life was about based on this can. And, that’s just rude. It’s just rude to do, like. I’m sorry. You know, Green Giant can produce frozen vegetables. From now on, he stays out of the canning business. Del, Monte steps up. Give me that sweet, sweet pineapple and any other fruit you can put in that can. And just, again, this is why all these amazing. This is why Costco is still amazing, regardless of all the things. You just gotta schedule your time. You gotta go when the going’s not rough. Yeah. I’ve driven past an Aldi. Driven. I’ve driven half an hour to a Costco just to see, the parking lot filled up. And I’m like, not today, Satan. Just spinning that wheel into a u turn.

Chris: 100% no. And if you make the choice to go into that store and if you are listening to this and if you buck traffic with your shopping cart, you’re a moron. Quote me on it.

Nick: Well, there’s a video of a guy in a Costco just smashing through everybody’s carts. And for half the people watching, he’s the hero they need, you know, because they’re. They’re so indignant and so unable to voice their actual feelings in, like, an appropriate way for society.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: That they’re like, yeah, I should just smash my cart through. Everybody in Costco. And other people are like, yeah, excuse me. It’s some magic. I don’t know if you’ve learned this phrase. They teach it in kindergarten. They teach it younger than that sometimes. excuse me. It’s very simple, but it’s, Pardon me, is a variant on that that I’ve heard. Yeah, it’s very effective. in high school, I thought that my name was hey, move, asshole for quite a while. not a great. Not. Not an effective variant. So.

Chris: Well, and then being from the midwest, there are particularly women of a certain age that do the oh, let me just scoo by ya. Scoot or. Yep. Oh, geez, don’t mind me. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, that’s fine. Using language to. To signify that you’re trying to get through makes absolute sennse.

Nick: Hey, how was your Thanksgiving? Any complaints?

Chris: no, my Thanksgiving was great. it was so good this year I have a good friend who is excellent at hosting things, and so when she’s around and when I’m around, I try to sneak in early enough that maybe she hasn’t made any family plans yet where I’m like, so, girl, you interested in doing Thanksgiving this year? Because she makes so much food and she’s one of those people that loves to have people over, so it’s a great environment. And so I get to eat a lot and drink a lot, and I have very little to do to make it happen. And once again, it as s a white man. Works out great for me.

Nick: Wow.

Chris: I love it. Yeah. How about you?

Nick: U I like any things. I like any event that I can show up and help cook. I feel that a lot of people who host want to host for the, like, the joy of it.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: You know, the providing nature of it. but they’re not always fully prepared for, like, the multiacetedness of it. Like, you have to be a host, but you also have to cook. You have to do kind of both at the same time if people wander into your kitchen. and so if I can just take over anything and be like, u, my stepmom handed me a bowl of cooked wild rice and onion and some mushrooms, and she’s like, hey, can you make this? And I’m like, make what? Like, that is such a. So I made some really nice rice, you know, wild rice dish. but it’s just stuff like that. She once handed me, all the ingredients for paella and said, the grill’hot oh, that was. That was the instructions. Here, here’s some paella stuff. She actually invited me over to eat paella. Three hours later, we were eating.

Chris: Yeah. I’ve never made paell. I feel like when I’ve seen it, it looks. I mean, I wouldn’t know what to do. I’d have to Google it.

Nick: I had to google it.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. But it was good. It was, actually that year, that was probably six, seven years ago. That’s when I started cooking for real. Like, I got back into getting my culinary arts more on par with where I want them to be.

Chris: And I don’t. I do enjoy cooking, more than baking I do, but I like to cook. so I’m not necessarily adverse to doing that. And you know, I like to host. I host gatherings all the time. But there’s something about Thanksgiving. I’m such a basic. I like turkey, mashed potatoes and like a bread, like a starchep. everything else that’s there, I’m like, oh, yeah, let me take a little bit of the corn, a little bit of the gream, a little bit of stuffing, whatever. I don’t, I don’t care about those things. I’m like, give me the whitest starchiest shit and I’m gonna just get so full from it because I’m already drunk. So I’ll just eat this stuff. And like, if I could have leftovers and all it was was turkey and mashed potatoes for like a week, I’d be totally fine. And I know people are like, well, turkey is like the most boring meat there is. And I’m like, e, if it’s covered in gravy, then I think it’s great. All right, we’re going to take a break. We’ll be right back.

Nick: M. Can we complain?

Chris: Can we complain? Can we complain?

Nick: Can we complain?

Chris: And I wanted to talk to you about coffee specifically while you were here.

Nick: Right.

Chris: Because this is okay. Hm. How do I. I don’t really care about coffee. I don’t really care about coffee.

Nick: That’s okay.

Chris: I feel like people are snobbish about coffee. I feel like people that care a lot about coffee put on an air as if you don’t know. So you are. Whatever. And yeah, like, ohh, look at me. Look down on you. And I don’t know, nine of 10 people that love coffee, they’re not looking down on me. So cool. Like, love that you’re living in delusion. I just. It was one of the things that I thought of when I was thinking about once again, because you are so multi talented and faceed.

Nick: Thank you. Well, for recognizing, publicizing it.

Chris: Some other thing Things I could make up positive to say about, you know, Some more lies to tell.

Nick: M. Yeah, just cut it in later. Cut it in right here.

Chris: We insert made up compliments.

Nick: Yeah, just do it in like a different voice. Be like, he’s wonderful, thoughtful, and he always finishes lists of three. That’s a Liz Lemon joke. And that’s one of my favorite jokes of all time.

Chris: It’s. It’s hard to not do the three when you’re writing, particularly if you’re trying to add a descriptor and you’ve got a second and then it’s like, how am I only gonna do two?

Nick: Yeah. Yeah.

Chris: I wanted to speak with you about coffee specifically because you have been working in a company now for a hot minute, selling coffee roasting machines. Coffee roasters.

Nick: Coffee roasters.

Chris: When I first started work, when I first worked with you a decade ago, we worked in a, software development company where it was fueled by caffeine because it’s like all of those places are. And so I, for a few years, drink coffee at work. Heavy cream, heavy sugar.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: Because I don’t really like coffee. I stopped drinking coffee because it felt like empty calories to me because of the cream and sugar. And I’m like, I could. I actually worked with this crazy nut job project manager, and she would drink Earl Gray tea. Now we’re talking about like she was a miserable person. Like we’re going out for a company gathering and she associate her with Earl Greay tea.

Nick: Earl Grey tea is wonderful.

Chris: Well, no, I shouldn’t have said what tea she drinks before. I said she’s miserable because that’s what I drink now. But she was miserable in the sense of like, oh, no, I can’t allow myself to have an adult beverage. So I’m just gonna drink Earl Gry tea until 11 o’clock at night and then the next morning be even more crazy than I was the day before. She’s a fucking nut job. So I never thought I would be speaking about this woman again here.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: But she talked about drinking this tea and everywhere we would go, people would be like, I can’t believe you’re drinking Earl Grace so late at night. And I’m like, okay, so there must be at least a tea that is caffeinated enough where I could drink it during work and feel like, okay, I’m getting something. So the place that I work, I worked in a coworking space for a while and they had Earl Gray tea. And I’m like, I can totally rock this.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: So in My kitchen cupboards right now is Earl Grey tea. I don’t even drink it every day because I’m not. I don’t need the caffeine all the time.

Nick: Right.

Chris: but you are someone who, particularly when I started working with, you drink coffee at work. We would leave work, maybe we’d go to a coffee shop.

Nick: Yep. We.

Chris: I’d come over to your house and you’d be like, here’s some coffee. You gave me coffee. You have had coffee sent to my home. Like, very nice, expensive, good quality coffee. And I’m like, wow. Cause I don’t even drink coffee.

Nick: So, what’s your brew Temp od. I didn’t see a kettle. in the studio pantry. So I’m assuming that you just microwave your water like a heathen.

Chris: You are so shady. If we were on RuPaul’s Drag Race right now, you would be the drag queen, like trying to shade me on national television. And yes, I fill up my coffee mug with water and I put it in the microwave for two minutes and it comes out and I put the teabag in it.

Nick: I just want to throw this out there. It’s technically just a mug and it’s a tea mug the way you’re using it. So not to keep throwing shade.

Chris: You bastard. That’s good.

Nick: You know, pretentiousness in coffee is, is honestly a little bit of a lie. Like, it’s there. Right. Butk the people who think that they have the best of the best coffee usually don’t. And they have to be a little bit aggressive about it to maintain that status quo inside of themselves. Like, oh, I don’t want delicious blueberry notes in my coffee. I want it burnt and dark. You know, it’s like that Starbucks, the Folgers. The coffee that everyone grew up with. A lot of the time we’ll call it like funeral coffee. It’s the coffee that’s on at a funeral. It’s old, it’s bitter, it’s been there for too long. And you’re gonna drink it because you’re at a funeral and you want a cup of coffee.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: the other day I filled up a cup with some hot water, some boiling water out of my kettle. And I, I put some tasters choice in it. Some instant, some ye. Some like Nest Cafe tasters choice. You know, I didn’t love that. I liked Nestle. You know, I don’t like to support Nestle, but I’m not above just having a literal 10 second cup of coffee so I can grab it and run out the door to go to the convenience store and grab, you know, milk. For real coffee. I can pull some shots and make a little cortado for Serena and, you know, but on the way there when it’s 14 degrees out. Yeah, I’m gonna be holding a cup of coffee. I don’t want to wait, you know.

Chris: So there’s, you’ll make instant coffee.

Nick: I, I, I think I had like two sips of it.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: But it’s that thing we’re like, I’m not, I, I do not want to leave the house at all. And I don’t want to leave the house when it’s cold even less. But yeah, if I’ve got a cup of coffee, you just hold the little to go cup. I’ve got like an 8 ounce to go cup. O Myr M I R. keeps everything crazy hot for super long and just kind of fills the car with like, that coffee aroma too.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: So it’s just nice. But yeah, I’m definitely a constant coffee drinker. I don’t stop drinking coffee until I start drinking booze. just switch from one to the other. That’s why I have a giant water bottle with me because I know I need it so.

Chris: Welle, once we’re done recording, if I had coffee, we would maybe have some.

Nick: We’d be having, you’d be having coffee? I’m having coffee. Yeah, I brought my own.

Chris: And then. But immediately followed by drinking alcohol.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: Is Mils City doing more support? I haven’t actually talked to you about your products and what you guys are doing in a hot minute. I should have actually asked you a little bit more about that because when, well, just from the lens of when years ago when we were talking about, Mill City and the people that you supported, it was a lot of people that were buying roasters for their homes. And has that changed with working with more, I don’t know, coffee suppliers or coffee shops themselves. Like, who mostly is roasting their own coffee these days?

Nick: When we started, it was primarily home roasters. You know, we kind of marketed towards that. there were a lot of coffee enthusiasts who needed a very affordable machine. That’s what we had. Emphasis on, had. But with that, learning, experience and really gaining some expertise, we’ve developed those machines into, you know, it’s a, it’s a completely. It looks the same, they look very similar. but the work that we’ve all done has created this very easy to use, very, variable. It’s a very Capable machine, no matter what style of roasting or how you want to roast. And so we get into these, you know, I should say that stability, that capability allows us to explore more on the coffee theory side, more on fundamentals, on what makes good coffee, not a focus on making the good coffee. We know the machines can do, it. We know our education services work. We know that our support team can keep you up and roasting. So what you need to differentiate yourself in the market, what you need to grow is what we need to be teaching next. And so we’re always trying to keep our ear to the ground on that. it’s. It’s fun. It, it’s almost exactly like programming. There’s always something new to learn. There’s always a new skill set to gain. And so, yeah, we kind of got away from our original career goals. but still, right there, I wrote software on Wednesday, you know.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: So not altogether that different. Yeah, just a lot more caffeine.

Chris: This is it. Well, maybe not even.

Nick: No, probably not. Maybe actually less. Yeah, I mean, I used to slam coffee.

Chris: yes, yes. so for you individually, like, if someone was to say, how do you take your coffee? Like, how do you take your coffee? I’m sure this probably is different based on the environment or something in a vessel.

Nick: That’s the only requirement.

Chris: In a TE mug.

Nick: Yeah. Not a. Preferably. Yeah. Something m. Something with a little finger pinky hold required. So.

Chris: So let’s say we are walking down the street and we’re going to the coffee shop that’s two blocks south of here. Sure. And they have a. It is not a chain place. It’s large enough where I’m sure their selection is verbose in some manner. where are you starting with your decision making on what to even get?

Nick: I start with judgment. You know, an internalized judgment. Is this place serving good coffee? Do I see a logo? Does the barista look like they enjoy their job? If they enjoy their job, if they’re actually, you know, behind the counter shooting the shit, having conversations with their coworkers. And it’s probably a place that, you know, doing well is encouraged. Right. we walked into a tiny little spot in Chicago just sampling coffee. You know, we tried to do that as much as possible when we travel. M. And the first thing I noticed was a. It’s called a. I believe the brand is Pullman. It’s a distribution system for Espresso. espresso. So that when you grind, know you’ve got like the big Mound from the grinder in the portafilter. So it just goes into, like, a big cone. And the point of the Pullman distribution tool is to evenly distribute that coffee so that you have a consistent puck, as they call it. And, you know, when you see I. We have one at Mill City that goes unused. I don’t like the thing. It kind of holds on to some grounds. It’s called retention. but when you see stuff like that, you can kind of be assured, like, okay, somebody. Somebody here, even maybe someone just stopping by, you know, said, hey, you should use this. and it’s. It’s just one of those little things where, you know, yes, at that place, I’ll get espresso. Right. But if I walk in and it’s like a dirty, you know, looks unused espresso machine. I’m m. Just getting drip. I, just want black coffee. I don’t care. It can be dark, it can be light. It can be a, blend of whatever. I’ll get gas station coffee. Yeah, you just get some of that French vanilla creamer and, you know.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: Pretend you’re 14 again.

Chris: Well, this is it.

Nick: It. Yeah. No, it’s ideally what I want when I go in. I want a lavender latte. That’s what I want. Best coffee drink I’ve ever had my entire life. Lavender latte. one of the people who works with us, they are extraordinarily skilled behind the bar. Multiple people are extraordinarily skilled behind the bar. but one time they made me a latte. I think it was a vanilla latte. And I was just so blown away because I honestly have almost never had flavor in my coffee.

Chris: Right.

Nick: We drink specialty coffee. I’m gonna maybe put a little touch of milk in there, really bring out some nice notes. but no, it sounds weird, but.

Chris: Lavender latte, hands down, I’m not surprised. I mean, the reason I’m not surprised is because lavender, well, you know, it really does depend on what it’s being and how it’s being used. Yeah. Yeah. you know, I’ve smelted an air freshener that was lavender that smelled awful. But I’ve also had lavender in tea. That was great. I’ve had lavender in ice cream that I actually liked, like in a dessert. And I’ve soaked in lavender baths with all of my salt for my, you know, gaping body wounds.

Nick: Sure. Yeah.

Chris: Or whatever. I don’t know. so I’m not surprised to hear about lavender. I’ve just never had that in coffee.

Nick: I Guess the culinary arts, it’s all about trying to figure out, you know, the pairing that’s gonna not just work, but elevate the ingredients.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: and to that point, I think lavender is overuttilized as a scent and underutilized as a food, ingredient. Yeah, there was, one of the best cookies I’ve ever had was lavender ginger. If you ever go down, like, the East River Road, a, ah, little scenic drive in Wisconsin, there’s a couple of small towns that all have, you know, antique stores and a little bakery. And if you do not get to this Bakery by like 10am it will be sold out because everybody knows that during the summer they will produce, you know, ten dozen cookies, sell them for five bucks apiece. Just make a killing for the day and just close up shop. Go enjoy the summer day.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: And it’s astounding and it’s amazing.

Chris: good for them.

Nick: But, that lavender ginger cookie, I, still think about.

Chris: Yeah, I would like to try that as well. Now that you’ve said like, I’m like, that sounds good.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: Okay. Timely question about espresso martinis. Okay, so it’s not like this is the new trend today. It’s been around for hot minute, but realistically, since the world opened up from the pandemic, I would say that has been with the businesses opening. The same crescendo has happened with the popularity and availability of espresso martinis.

Nick: Yep.

Chris: I have only ordered one in a martini cocktail bar. I don’t think I’ve ever ordered one in a place that you would. I’m a drinker. I’m a drinker and I’ve worked for tips before. Oh, I don’t need a martini from a place where you don’t order martinis, meaning, that you order something on a low ball or you order a mixed drink. You’re not getting a martini here. I’m a gay man too, so’m talking about gay bars, stuff like that. When you’re at the gay bar and someone’s like, I’ll have an espresso martini, and the line is 37 deep. And you waited 40 minutes just to get to that point, like you got a problem. Once again, unaware of time, unaware of space, unaware of other people. There’s this place in Chicago across the street from where I lived. it’s called Buzzed. And it’s great because all of their, alcohols are based off of honey from, like, bees. And the environment is great. And they have this fantastic bar where you sit there and the staff is wonderful. And you get these expensive beverages because that’s what you’re expecting. And espresso martini there is great. I have a friend who likes to make espresso martinis and he’s all about that fresh espresso shot. He’s all about certain things have to be right. Because when I bought things to make them, you know, I don’t even have. I had. I mean, I bought cold press. Is that a thing or what? Like just cold dark coffee. Yeah. Cold brew. Cold brew. and so I made us drinks with that and he was like, you know, it’s just not the same. I can tell. I just. And I’m like, okay. Like, I kind of can’t have you. I’m m assuming you’ve had one out and about. What are you. Is there anything. Do you like them?

Nick: Oh, yeah.

Chris: Yeah. See, I do too. I have to watch myself because know with martinis, two is great, three is one too many sometimes.

Nick: That’s insane. Sure.

Chris: I mean, you know, for some people.

Nick: Party starts at four.

Chris: Well, I just don’t drink a lot of martinis, but espresso m martinis are very popular right now. And I feel like with my friend being all kind of elitist about his espresso martinis. To be fair, what I love about having a friend like that is you just get to reap the benefits of their drink making. So then whenever we would hang out, he would make me fantastic drinks and I’d be like, this is wonderful. There was someone else in our apartment building who would be like, here’s some nestqu here’s some chocolate milk, here’s some instant coffee, and here’s some vodka. Like something. It was terrible. It was terrible.

Nick: That’s terrible.

Chris: And I’m like, why would you even give this to people? hatred. Do you know if there’s. I know. So, like, from your perspective, do you know if there’s something that needs to happen to make it something that you would like. Like it more? Is there something, you know, I don’t know about espresso other than the Sabrina Carpenter song? Really?

Nick: I’m still at a loss because of all the variations as to which one is the best. You know, I do enjoy, an espresso liqueur or like a coffee liqueur in my espresso martinis. I do enjoy, something with more flavor. So it does taste of coffee.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: But it should be balanced against the cocktail nature of it. It. You know, an apple teeny shouldn’t taste like Apple pie, you know what I mean? So it shouldn’t taste like a cup of coffee with booze in it. That’s an Irish coffee.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: You know, I think a lot of, I invited some friends over for a, quick get together years ago, and we have mint growing in the garden, and I just happened to have white rum from something else we were doing. And I was like, oh, I’ll just make. You know, I’ll throw together some shitty mojitos. Right? I don’t know how to actually make a mojito. Yeah, let’s. Let’s figure it out.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: And so he asked for one, I make him one. And this is where I find out he’s like a mixologist, you know, like a home mixologist. He’s like, what do you. What? I was like, I don’t know what I’m doing. He’s like, oh, okay. And just the eyes keep going further up towards the ceiling. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, u. You know, he drinks it. He was fine, but on a second when he’s like, no, I got it. It’s good. I’ll take care of that. And I’m sure his was way better, you know, but there are certain things that I just don’t care.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: Like, oh, yeah, I make the world’s best mojito. No, I don’t give a fuck.

Chris: Right.

Nick: I have other things to worry about.

Chris: My life same. I hear you. The place, I believe the place that I would get them put in a couple coffee beans into the martini, which I always enjoy. It’s kind of fun because I like it. I like it. And then I’m like, I don’t like this. Why am I right? So why do I like it? And then I don’t like it.

Nick: Like, that initial bite into it is fine. You’re like, oh, okay, this isn’t bad. I can chew this. Because you’re kind of like, oh, I need a coffee grinder to get through this, right? No, you can bite it and then your mouth is dry and it just releases all this dry, brittle fucking. You know. Coffee beans are dried out in the roasting process. They’re supposed to be rehydrated. That’s how we get all the, you know, extraction out of it.

Chris: Yes. So, yeah, no, that makes sense.

Nick: Chew on it.

Chris: ###Use. It’s like, almost like a consistency thing. It’s the drynessuse. I also. Okay. One time I went to Trader Joe’s, I believe, and I bought one of those things of chocolate Covered coffee beans. And I ate. Cause I only had. I feel like I’d only tried them one other time somewhere and I was like, oh, these are great, so I’ll just buy one. And I ate one and I ate two and then I ate four and then I ate 10 and then I ate 20. And I got like an upset stomach from. From it. And I don’t. I kind of have one of those tank tummies where like I can kind of eat and drink most things. And then I was like, you just got sick from chocolate covered coffee beans, you dumbass. But I thought they were so good. And now I’m like, I don’t eat them. Like it’s cool. Like I’ll have one and be like, that’s fine, I’m good.

Nick: Well, it’s like when I was a kid, like I ate a whole bowl of cashew. I be like, my stomach hurts. I don’t know what happened. Yeah, you know? Yeah, you definitely know.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: There used to be a coffee shop on Nicolette Avenue in Minneapolis, and I visited there one time with a friend of mine. It was like fall. I think we were having one of those days where it’s like, let’s go get a brunch and then let’s walk down the street and see what the brisk weather brings us. And of course, as after we left breakfast, we were walking by a coffee shop. It’s like, let’s get some coffee. And I’m like, yes, let’s do it. And then maybe we’ll continue walking down a Nicolete and do some shopping or something. Back when you did that. And we go inue. Well, like Nicolet Mall. So this. Yeah, this was just south of the mall. Got so this was like a, laring park area.

Nick: I got you.

Chris: And I go into this coffee shop and if anyone who’s listening to this has lived over there, probably knows exactly what place I’m talking about. And there’s some homosexuals that are going toa listen to this and we’ll probably know the person I’m talking about, which is why I’m saying this. I go in with my friend. I’m the one who looks at the menu and is like, I don’t know what most of these things mean. I don’t know what a lot of the words. There’s ones that you know, I can make an assumption based off of my own understanding of Latin or origins of vocabulary and language. But like, I don’t know. I don’t know most of it. And when I Was like a middle schooler or something. At one point, I ordered a mint, like a peppermint mocha over the holidays somewhere. And I remember liking it because it was minty and easy to drink. Now, now I’m not ordering peppermint mochas because, like, whatever, it’s like a kid sounding drink or it tastes like a kid drink to me. I don’t know. But I do know that I like mochas. Like, I like a little chocolate in my coffee. So I’m like, I would like to get mocha. And, this guy, okay, so he. My friend described it as when gays collide or when gays’s crash or something. Because he was. I walked in and he hated me from the moment I walked in. And I’m like, when you can feel that energy from someone, it’s like, okay, turn down anything performative. Like, I’m not cool, I’m not interesting, I’m not funny. I’m just ordering my beverage. I don’t need you to hate me any more than you already do. So, I’ll take him, a large mocha, please, to go. And he had a series of questions for me. What milk? What kind of chocolate? What kind of bubbles? I don’t know. And every time you would ask me a question, I’d be like, is there a standard or like, is there a normal or a usual or most popular? And he hated me. He hated me because I didn’t have answers. And I kind of did. Like, the thing where I’m like, I mean, I don’t really know. I just. However you’d make it probably is where I landed. And then I could tell that he just. Oh, he was so mad at me. His eyes were gonna pop out of his head. He looked like he wanted to shake me. Like, shaking baby syndrome. And I’m like, I’t. It’s a fall day. I’m getting a mocha. I don’t know what milk I want. I don’t care. I don’t care what bubbles there are. I don’t care. Just get me a big one. Is that. What is the name of the big one? I don’t know. Give me the big one. And, if he hadn’t hated me, I probably also would have been like, is there any way you could throw an ice cube in at the end so that it doesn’t burn my mouth right away? But then he would have literally murdered me.

Nick: Probably. Yeah. So I just have to share this drink.

Chris: Well, I just have to share this story with you. Because I’m like, this is where I’m one of those people that I guess is judging baristas who look like they’re just judging me. Like, I’m like, I don’t know if I really cared about this, then I’d probably know, but I just want to get a nice beverage. And, I don’t know, it was just really weird because the underlying bit of it was that we were both homosexuals and he hated me. He hated me the minute I walked in. I could have been like, I’d like a black coffee, size medium, nothing else. Thank you very much. Have a nice day. And I could have gave him a $20 tip in his jar, and he would have been like, fuck you.

Nick: You found a hater. Congratulations.

Chris: I did not.

Nick: Everybody has enough, you know? They help guide you in life.

Chris: Do you hate mochas?

Nick: Me?

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: No.

Chris: Okay.

Nick: Who? No, I mean, I’m sorry. I don’t. I don’t have arbitrary opinions about stupid shit like that.

Chris: Well, yes, you do. No, I’m just kidding.

Nick: Like, I don’t think. Like, I know I will express them in the moment, but then I’ll always check myself and be like, that’s stupid to be upset about. You know, Everybody has those in the moment.

Chris: Amen.

Nick: Miller High Life. Delicious beer.

Chris: Yeah. The champagne.

Nick: Beersne Beers. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Chris: I love it.

Nick: Yeah. Take a few sips off, throw some Aperol and a lime slice in there, you got yourself a spaghette.

Chris: Amen. Okay.

Nick: On a sec, though. So, like, when, again, just to kind of connect these dots here. Like, I’m not saying that people have to be or even should be happy if you don’t enjoy your job, if you don’t enjoy what you’re doing. Like, that’s. That is a problem that needs to be solved somehow. And if you can’t solve it, I’m sorry, that’s an unfortunate situation you’re stuck in. But, you know, I think the reason that I enjoy nicer restaurants isn’t only because of the food, but it’s people. The people who work there understand the arrangement. I want to go out and not have any troubles. I don’t want to have dirty dishes in front of me. I don’t want. I just want to have a good time. And for that good time, I will pay. And I tip well. I tip stupidly well because I want everyone to remember the arrangement. And, you know, having worked in a kitchen when we were re. Teenagers, I know it’s all a front. It’s all the front. You Go through that swinging door and the smile comes on, you know? And that’s your. That’s your job. Yes, that is your job.

Chris: 100.

Nick: we were at a. We were at a shop. Not. I mean, this is a couple of years ago now, but it. It’s become almost a little routine that this happens where we’ll go into a shop and the baristas behind the bar are having more fun interacting with each other than with. You know, it’s like, the customer is a burden. The customer is a surprise.

Chris: Y.

Nick: Like, if. You know, it’s the classic adage, this job would be perfect if not for all the customers, you know, absolutely. 1,000%. But it’s.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: It’s kind of the social contract.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: And for some reason, too many people decide to break the social contract, whether it be elevator doors or being courteous. You might appreciate this. It’s from a movie that I doubt you’ll ever watch. little quote from Deadpool and Wolverine for you.

Chris: Madonna. like a prayer in that movie.

Nick: You are right. See, you found a. I know that job. You did it. Yeah. One of the only movies, too. What does he say? Being nice is free. Right. To which Wolverine responds, shutting the fuck up is also free. I’ve used that more times than. I’m really happy. I think that constantly now somebody just lips off. I’m like, you didn’t have to fucking say a thing.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: You just had to be an asshole.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: Congratulations.

Chris: Which is funny for you to be saying this in this environment where I’ve literally conceptually thinking about starting can we complain? And I think people. I’ve talked to a few people about it where I think their first thing is like, oh. And I’m like, right. Well, it is a complaint podcast, but it’s not. You’re not gonna leave it being like, oh, I’m just. These people are terrible and horrible and everything’s wrong. Like, there’s some brevity to it. There’s some lightness to it. Someone could say, kri, you don’t have to be saying any of this. You don’t have to be saying any of this. Right. But realistically, most people are not very bright and probably should stop talking. Except for our guests, of course. And if you agree with us, I have a pro tip question for you.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: Which is about if I drink some coffee, because I ordinarily don’t, and I start getting jittery.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: Is there any, like, tips on how to, like, ease the jitter?

Nick: You’re probably dehydrated. In the first place.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: so hydrate before you take caffeine. Caffeine’s a diuretic. So you’re just gonna become more dehydrated.

Chris: Yes.

Nick: and often what I found is that people who start to get the caffeine, wobble, you know, where they’re just kind of like, what do I do? What am I? Hey, everything’s cool, right? No, it’s not. O. Everything’s great. No, I don’t feel great. O. My stomach. I’m great. those people need a little bit of sugar because they are panicking. People aren’t used to riding. You know, it’s like if everybody had, like, a high school class where it’s like, and now we’re gonna take acid. Everyone’s gonna come down just fine. It’s gonna be a great time. People just need to learn how to ride, you know?

Chris: Yes.

Nick: Like, you see these drunk people just freaking out. It’s like, is that really your first instinct or you having a little panic because you’re too drunk? Like, is this. I really don’t think a lot of people are violent or angry drunks. I think they start realizing that they’re losing control of themselves.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: They start to panic.

Chris: Yes, to those people. Agreed.

Nick: You know, calm down.

Chris: It’s interesting that you say the bit about the hydration, because the feeling of being overc. Caffeinated reminds me of having been dehydrated.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: And then you’re, like, in the mental loop of, this is happening to me. You can’t get. It’s hard to get out of that.

Nick: Well, it’s like, even when I drink, most of the time that I’m drinking, I have, like, a full glass of water that I’ll pour a shot of bourbon into. And it’s just like I started doing, you know, bourbon on ice or bourbon neat. and at some point, I just dropped the pretentiousness. I was like, this is what I want. I just want. I want a hint of bourbon flavor in my big glass of water. And I drink until midnight. I wake up at Sevenock. I feel fucking great. And I’ve got buddies who are at the bar with us, and I’re like, o. I’m so hungover. I’m like, yeah, no shit. You didn’t drink any water from 5pm until we went home. Did you drink anything when you got home? No, I didn’t have any. Okay.

Chris: Yeah, what the fuck?

Nick: Take care if you want to partyeah. Take care of your shit.

Chris: That totally makes sense. I do not drink enough water while I’m drinking. And I think that’s a big part of anyime that I have a hangover is literally just. It’s dehydration. I am huge on the coconut water for rehydration.

Nick: Whenever it gets liquid in you.

Chris: Yes. And I think there’s something I heard once upon a time about how the, how coconut water has some sort of molecular thing where it is, I hate to use the word similar because I think that will be called out as a false. But to our, like, our blood, like, there’s something. You’re right.

Nick: I have heard that before.

Chris: Because they’ve used it in a war before to get, like, blood transfer started.

Nick: Yeah. For IVs. Well, they use it for IVs. IVshydration. Yeah, no, I have heard that before.

Chris: So there’s something about that. And then when I’ve looked into it, when I was just googling, like, why is this? And something about the sodium as well. So there’s also something about sodium with electrolytes. Like, I don’t know if it charges them or gets them more, you know, ready for your body? I have no idea.

Nick: I think it’s called hydrostatic pressure. And so you need a certain amount of salt and sugar in your blood in order to permeate, the cell membrane.

Chris: Yeah.

Nick: And again, chemistry peeps, biology peeps. Help me out with that in the comments. But, what I do know is that if you make your way through, like, the Marine Corps reading list, because the Marine Corps wants smart soldiers, they have a reading list. you’ll come upon all these books about, like, Napoleonic era wars. And one of the most common, like, if somebody had a large laceration, they would pack it with white sugar. Or pack it with sugar, I guess. I don’t know if it was white at that time. But the whole purpose was to elevate, hydrostatic pressure to keep your blood on the inside. Very interesting. Like, super random. Like, I’m bleeding out. Grab the sugar.

Chris: Well, 100. And because to me, it felt counterintuitive. If you’re feeling thirsty, your body’s thirsty. To ingest any sodium seemed counter to me.

Nick: Sure.

Chris: But realistically, that makes sense. I knew it was part of something.

Nick: But, I mean, you know, Brondo’s got what you need. He’s got what plants crave.

Chris: So Rondo.

Nick: Brondo. You don’t know Brondo?

Chris: What’s Brondo?

Nick: Idiocracy. Oh, can we complain about Chris not preparing himself for our, our future political climate? by missing out on a classic movie. Owen Wilson.

Chris: I didn’t want to talk about it because Dax Sheparerd is in it, and he has a very successful podcast, so I do not want to be connecting any dots to him.

Nick: Okay, well, he’s a. He’s a wonderful, Am Maya Rudolph.

Chris: Who was s. In that, too.

Nick: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah. I, mean, I saw it years after it came out. I thought it was good. I thought it was not good. I didn’t know.

Nick: Let’s watch it again. I mean, honestly, that movie gets better each watch because it is very. There’s a large part of that movie that influences how I deal with the general public.

Chris: Oh, God.

Nick: I mean, it’s full of a lot of good takeaways. Meet people where they’re at. You can’t elevate somebody against their will. You just got to meet them where they’re at.

Chris: Like, meet. There’s a lot of low people in low places.

Nick: Yeah, absolutely. But again, you know, I was a Garth Brooks fan at the right time, so I know what to do in low places. You know, Whiskey shot, beer chaser.

Chris: Yes. And that is what we’re going to do. We’re going to do a whiskey shot with a beer chaser in just a few minutes. you know what? I really appreciate you coming here and being one of the first people that I’ve interviewed for the podcast. And I shouldn’t say even interview. I like to think of it as having guest hosts because I don’t really feel like I drive conversations in that way where I’m like, here’s a question. You have to provide me an answer. I feel like it’s rather conversational. And I appreciate that you came here to do this with me. I know you’re so well versed with all of the podcasts that you’ve been on.

Nick: Yeah, yeah, yeah. If this was a book review podcast, I’d feel more at home. But, yeah, 100%.

Chris: Well, I can’t read.

Nick: Yeah, Your illiteracy has been damning your career trajectory for a long time. You’ve never figured that out. That’s so weird. Illiterate by choice.

Chris: By choice. The few words I did’know how to read. I have long forgotten.

Nick: Listen, he was alive in an era that is bygone. Now we call it the cursive years. So if you’ve got any flowing text, you need him to read you from a medieval book on, I don’t know, necromancy. Chris is your guy, but Webster, he can’t read that.

Chris: Nop, Nope.

Nick: No Sarah Font for this guy.

Chris: Nope. I really peaked when I went to that community class to learn calligraphy. That’s where I really peaked. But I couldn’t tell you what the letters were, but I could make them with the pan.

Nick: You could match?

Chris: Yes.

Nick: Yes, exactly.

Chris: I’m really good at doing that.

Nick: You’re basically three and a half years old.

Chris: Amazing. Thanks again for joining me, Nick. Appreciate it.

Nick: Have a great day.