Stop Interrupting, I’m Being Lazy with Allie

Chris: Hello, world. Welcome to Can We Complain? The podcast where we rant, gripe and talk smart to get you ramped up. In this episode, Allie joins us to vent about interrupting unsolicited advice, cartwheels, people misusing speakerphones, and giving ourselves the gift of downtime. Be sure to follow us on all the socials that can we complain? And let us know what drives you crazy. See you on the flip side.

Allie: Can we complain? Can we complain? Can we complain?

Chris: Welcome, welcome, welcome. Allie, Hi. thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it.

Allie: Oh, yes.

Chris: Welcome to the multi million dollar studio.

Allie: It’s gorgeous.

Chris: Yes. I’ve been slaving away. I had all sorts of contractors here too, put together this wonderful environment for the Can We Complain? Guests.

Allie: Yes, yes. It’s very cozy. Very cozy.

Chris: Thank you, thank you. I appreciate it.

Allie and I have known each other for a long time

so Allie and I have known each other for a long time.

Allie: Longer, I think, than we’d care to admit.

Chris: Yeah, for a long time. we are both from small towns in rural Minnesota, and when we were younger adults, we met through a friend I went to school with and that you worked with at the time. And it’s kind of funny because we had like a random. Like, we didn’t necessarily hit it off so much. That’s not the right way to say.

Allie: It, but I thought you didn’t like me.

Chris: Well, you thought I didn’t like you and it’which is silly because it’s not that I didn’t like you. From my memory, what I recall is that we had made some plans to go to a movie. Was it you, me and Tiff, I think were going toa go to a movie or something and then there was like a cancellation or we were going toa go somewhere and then there’s a cancellation and then I was out at the bar and then you, like, showed up and I was like, are you effing kidding me? Am I misremembering this?

Allie: See, like I’m remembering it the opposite way.

Chris: Okay.

Allie: But I don’t know for sure. I do recall that we were at the bar and we were not expecting to see each other, which is hysterical because we were there every day.

Chris: But I mean, really, at the local watering hole, Raappers? Rest in peace, Wrppers. Yes, yes.

Allie: so. But I don’t remember exactly, but I know that we were not expecting to see each other there and that did cause something because someone backed out of something or maybe didn’t include everyone or.

Chris: Yeah, I don’t recall the details. I just remember being like wow. Who do, who do these bitches think they are? Like, they think they’re so much better than me.

Allie: And I was thinking the same about youe. So it worked out great.

Chris: Oh, tail is all this time, it’s almost like we were the ones least likely to become tight friends in a sense. And then I don’t really speak to anybody from that time. I mean, not in any like, way where it’s like I don’t talk to them. But life changes. It is what it is. And now you and I are still very much a part of each other’s lives, a whole four years later, let’s say times now that we’re in the second, half of our 20s.

Allie: Y. Oh, that’s right. Yeah, I forgot. Yeah. I don’t think either one of us, if we could go back to that first year in our rapper’s days, would think that we’d be here today.

Chris: Doing definitely not in this multi million dollar recording studio, obviously. Yes. Yeah. And many things have happened in life since those early 20s college days. We have gone through many ups and downs, together and have, supported each other in many ways, have made fun of each other, have been there for each other, have whatever, you know. So it’s really great to have you here. Thank you for joining me. I appreciate it.

Allie: Well, thank you for having me.

Chris: Yes. And a little more backstory too, actually.

Caneco. com started as a website complaining about work

so once again, however many years ago, let’s just say four. Again, I’m justnn keep saying four years ago.

Allie: Just admit that it was 20.

Chris: Okay. So like, well, so 10 years ago, we did have, there was a, Well, can we complain? Started as a website. Caneco. Complain.com was a website that I created, I don’t know, 11, 12 years ago, I don’t really know how long ago. And it was an opportunity for me to have my friends write kind of long form blog pieces that were complaints, like editorial complaint pieces. And you were someone that helped with that and contributed several pieces. And it was really fun because it was something to do, it was something creative. And I got the idea because I’m like, everyone loves to complain on the Internet, so why aren’t we just complaining and not in a, like I’m just going to gripe, but like in a thought out way. and then life happens. I wasn’t really able to get, financial backing for the project. And it was way more of an obligation than just like a casual hobby, kind of thing. And also the mediums were changing so much like Long form writing is far less popular today. Like, you know, I’m not going to spend a bunch of time writing a blog piece complaining about things, but I’ll certainly talk about it and then put it on a podcast for the world. That was something that we did many, many years ago. And so we have been discussing topics that we. Well, we’ve been complaining about things for many, many years. Let’s be real, just constantly. Yes. And we’ve also worked together in some ways, every once in a while, in professional ways. and so we are always talking about work things because not only are we familiar with what each other does to a certain extent, but we have worked together and there’s some parallels in what we do. And so griping about work things is a pretty common thing for us. I think most people complain about their jobs, and we’re certainly not going to sit here and speak poorly about our employers or our supervisors.

Allie: I didn’t say will. Not, Cannot. Cannot.

Chris: We cannot. but we can talk about some things that may end up happening at work or maybe related to work in some manner.

People interrupting and not allowing people to finish their thoughts is problematic

And one thing I know I wanted to talk to you about, Alli, because we have been complaining about this for years and years and years, is interrupting and people interrupting and, not allowing people to finish their thoughts. People finishing your thought for you. And, you know, sometimes that works in interpersonal relationships when you know someone really well. But oftentimes I’m thinking about work situations or when you don’t know someone so well and they interrupt you, for something where maybe their M.O. is like, they’re trying to share. They’re trying to demonstrate their shared understanding or their knowledge or whatever. But oftentimes it’s just like, shut the fuck up. Like, stop interrupting me. I have had enough. So there was a coworker that you used to work with that would interrupt you all the time. And we can call her Linda.

Allie: Yes, Linda.

Chris: Linda. We’ll go with Linda.

Allie: Yes. I loved Linda. Yeah, Truly, I did. I really did love her. But it was problematic on a daily. Yes, I. I, wish I was that person that could, like, address situations. At least back in the day, I couldn’t address a situation like that. I actually very recently did, at my current job, address a situation like this. But I just get. I’m so passive aggressive that I just would turn around and stop talking. Just, I’m done. I’m not gonna do this. You interrupt me and I leave. And they never understood. We could be in the middle of a conversation and I would Be interrupted not even two minutes into it. And instead of finishing, they would make their point, and, I would just shut up and turn around and stare at my computer. And it was. It didn’t even click. Yeah, like, how is that possible? People just don’t have awareness about things like that, which in turn makes me hyper aware of it because of how many people don’t realize that that’s what they do. Right.

Chris: I’ve even noticed when we’ve talked about interrupting before, that when discussing the topic of interrupting, then, like, in the moment I become hyper aware, and I’m like, okay. Because, normally when this has come up for us before, it’s like, we’re on a phone date, we’re on a FaceTime date, we’re doing whatever, and we’re talking about it. And then we may have interrupted each other multiple times throughout the conversation, but then when the topic actually comes up of, oh, my God, Linda just won’t stop interrupting me. She just won’t stop. Like, it happened, like, 45 times today. And then I’m like, yes, waiting for you to be done talking. And then I’m like, I hear you. Here’s my point now. And you’re like, yes.

Allie: Like, taking the politeness to an extreme level. Because we will not be those people. Except we still are those people. Because we do interrupt each other all the time. Because we get excited and we do, and. But we’ll even. At least I know I do. And I think you do too. Apologize. I’m so sorry. I know I’m interrupting, but. And like, acknowledging it, but I’m still doing it. It’s still probably rude, but at least I know I’m doing it.

Chris: Yes. Yes. And, there’s something about workplace situations, or maybe even less the workplace thing. I think for me, once I notice a pattern that someone has or that they do something right, then all of a sudden. I shouldn’t say all of a sudden. If I notice a pattern that someone is always interrupting, then I’m just waiting for their next interruption. And then I’m irritated and I’m in a similar boat. I wish I had the emotional, intelligence or maturity to be like, you know what I have to say, Linda? When you interrupt me, it makes me feel like maybe I’m not being heard or something like that. That would be a mature thing to do.

Allie: Right?

Chris: But I’m not that mature. You’ve done this recently. Did you actually say to someone, like, you’re interrupting me? Like, how did this happen?

Allie: I did. I had to. I Had to. Because my response to being interrupted, specifically in a professional setting, I think personally, it doesn’t bother me as much, although it certainly does, but it just doesn’t. It’s not as high level. But I was at work and I have a colleague who, she’s very sweet and I love her and we have a great working relationship. And she’s a bit younger than I am. and I am her supervisor. Right. So I have to interact in a specific way with her. And it’s. It’s not rude interrupting. It’s me starting to explain something about whatever at work. Right. So I’m going and saying, okay, so you know this and we’ve got to do this and blah, blah, blah. Just going on. That sounds dumb, but whatever. I’m starting to talk about work things and instead of letting me finish my thought, there’s an immediate answer and it’s. Oh, well, it’s X, Y and Z. Right? No. And then I start over and, then. Well, is it this? No.

When someone interrupts me, my reaction is that I shut down

No, it is not. If you would let me finish my thought, my sentence, explaining, I’m trying to teach you this or tell you this, you learn this so you understand this. But she just gets so excited and wants to. Yes. Make it seem like she knows what’s going on and doing all that stuff. Right. So. Yeah, but the problem is my reaction. Right. So my reaction is that I shut down. You interrupt me and I shut down.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: And I can’t just stop talking to her. I can’t just say, okay, that’s it. I’m not going through the rest of this. I have to still get through it. But it was really, really bothering me. And there was a couple of weeks where it just kept happening over and over again and multiple times a day. And I was so frustrated, but I didn’t want. I guess my biggest thing was that I didn’t want her to think I was rude. Right. Because my response when she was doing it and she didn’t realize what she was doing. Right. But my response is rude because my entire. My body language changes. My face, there’s no more smile. It is stone cold. I tense. I don’t move. I turn and I like, it’s, To me, it’s obvious. I don’t know how it’s not.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: To some people or if it is obvious, they’re not understanding why. And so it’s not helpful. Right.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: So I had to pull her aside and I sat down and I said, look, I am telling you this because of the way I’m responding to something that you’re doing. I’m not, you didn’t do anything wrong, quote unquote. But I need you to understand because I don’t want you to see my response or reaction to something and not understand where it’s coming from or why it’s happening. And I explained that this had happened to me, you know, with a previous co worker, and that I’m very sensitive to it. And when you talk over me or interrupt before I can finish saying what I’m trying to explain to you, it drives me nuts. Like, it drives. And it’s a me thing. It’s a me thing. But then my boss made the best point when I was sharing it because I said I was gonna have this conversation. I felt a little awkward about it because I don’t. I again, really, really like this person, have nothing against them, but he made a good point. And it was that when you’re speaking, you’re not listening. Right? So if she is speaking and not listening to what I’m trying to tell her, then she’s totally missing the point, which is obvious, right? So it’s just like I have to do it, have to say it.

Chris: Well, then there’s. It’s like having that reaction of shutting down.

Allie: Ye.

Chris: If they don’t know that you’re responding that way because of their interruptions, then their interpretation is probably that you’re.

Allie: I’m just a bitch.

Chris: Yah, this is it. And if you’re a man, you’re an asshole. If you’re a woman, you’re a bitch. And if you’re a man, you’re an asshole. And that’s what it is.

Allie: Yes.

Chris: And I hear that. I feel that I have, when I was in Living, in Chicago, and I was at the pool in the summer with, hanging out with some friends and they were talking about some homosexual men. Okay.

A group of friends were drinking at the pool and I kept getting interrupted

So if you’re going to talk about the pop. The portion of the population that is most likely to interrupt or, you know, have main character syndrome, right? Like where everything is them. Like, it’s. It’s not like there’s four of us sitting there, they are the star, and then there’s three supporting cast members and we’re swapping stories about whatever, blah, blah, blah. I couldn’t even tell you what the topic was. it was going around back and forth. We’re just sharing stories. It’s a summer day, we’re drinking at the pool, and I noticed that I was being interrupted continuously. And I just kept getting interrupted over and over and over again. And I was getting frustrated because I’m like, no one here is talking about anything of that much significance, right? It’s not like, oh, I interrupted, you know, Martin Luther King Jr. In his speech, and now he’s trying to get another word in edgewise. Like, we’re just talking about whatever we’re talking about. And I got so frustrated, and I felt so bad because there’s this, younger guy I’m going toa say is Henderson, who, like, he wouldn’t mind me saying his name because he’s, This isn’t a story where he looks bad, but, like, he interrupted me about something and I lost it. I was like, I have had enough of being interrupted by all of you. I do not understand why it is that no one can get to get across a single thought without being interrupted. It’s just bizarre. Like, aren’t any of you noticing this? And, one of them, who I’m not going to say his name because he is a psychopathic idiot, was like, said something like, well, there she said it. And I’m like, yeah, I’m saying it because it is what it is. It’s what’s happening right in front of me. You’re interrupting me constantly. And then there was some implication that I was being a bitch and I was being whatever. And I’m like, amen. And so I got quiet. I just sat against the wall and let everyone just sit in that. I’m just gonna let you guys sit in that for a minute. And then one of them continued on with something. I remember eventually, at one point, I like, did a couple. Like, I’m just gonna do my little dive under the water, you know, like.

Allie: Oh, my God, whatever.

Chris: Just see it just moving around. See it just collecting myself. And then I’m coming back to the group. And Henderson, bless his heart, he is literally like a sweetheart. He’s such a nice guy. And he’s like, I just have to tell you, I’m really sorry. I didn’t even realize that I was doing that. And I’m like, it’s okay. Like, this isn’t about you doing something because you’re a bad person. It’s just everyone here is interrupting everyone all the time, and it’s driving me nuts. And he’s like, no, literally, I just didn’t even think about it. And I’m really sorry. And I’m like. Like, I would say I accept your apology. However, it’s really not needed. Like, maybe let’s just be mindful about this. But Then it’s funny because for the next however long, everyone’s like, I’m going to end my statement now.

Allie: Pause, Brief pause. We’re good. Okay?

Chris: And I’m such a fucking bitch. I’m just like, I don’t care. I’m gonna be the one to do this right now. But it took me getting to that level of frustration before I did it, and I certainly wasn’t doing it. And, like, I’m gonna help them grow away. I was like, shut the fuck up. Stop.

Allie: Well, I felt really. When I did have that conversation, she received it really well, right? And. And did not acknowledge at all that, like. Or did not realize. I shouldn’t say acknowledge. She acknowledged it after the fact, but she didn’t realize in the moment that that’s what she was doing or that it was problematic.

Chris: Ye.

Allie: And I do think that it’s something that will help her in the future. And now the cutest thing.

Sometimes people interrupt you when you’re talking on a podcast

She. She’s trying really hard, okay?

Chris: Ye.

Allie: She’trying really hard. But she does still like to think she has the answer before the whole thing is. And, I’m getting even more bitchy sometimes, though, because she’ll say something and I just say no. And then I continue my thought. I just. I’m like, that is incorrect. But now she catches herself, right? And so, she’ll sit there and put her hand to her mouth. She’s like, I’m sorry. It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry. But it’s registering. She’s at least thinking about it, you know? And I think that’s important. It’s. It’s also just, bottom line, disrespectful. And I don’t think people do it intending to be disrespectful. I think there’s a difference there with the intent. M. But it’s just not okay, you know? And it’s one thing to be excited and interrupt out of excitement. It’s another to just simply not even be listening to what somebody is saying to you and just trying to get your word in as quick as you can, you know?

Chris: And this is it. I do think most people are a little. I don’t want to say mindless about it. I think sometimes people, Particularly when talking about. When someone tries to finish your thought for you or give you the answer to your question before you’ve even finished your question, right? Like they’re there with you. It’s like a way of alignment or acknowledgement or. I’m on the same. It’s some sort of Social thing. I don’t really know what it would be. but I’ve noticed that too with stories. I just talked about this with another guest that’s going to be on can we Complain Where I was shocked that I was getting interrupted so much because I didn’t realize how quickly I spoke until I listened to my own voice on recording. And then all of a sudden’m like, how the fuck did these people even interrupt me? Because I’m going so fast that when I listen to myself I’m like, slow down, Boau. But like, also, if I was listening to that, I wouldn’t be like, hold on, let me get in there. Because it’s like, don’t you have to be working at like turbo speed? Like, oh my gosh, so crazy.

Allie: Well, let’s be real. I mean, the bottom line of it is that most people have zero self awareness.

Chris: True.

Allie: They don’t, they don’t realize what they are doing and how it can affect or bother other people. And a lot of them probably don’t care.

Chris: To be fair.

Allie: That’s probably a lot of them probably don’t give a fuck.

Chris: But. And you know, I’m so thankful that I’m starting, that, that Can We Complain is being started in the form of audio recording. And right now there’s this big push in the podcast world to start doing video to really, Even the providers, YouTube is trying to take the whole thing over and whatever. And it’s a little frustrating because I’m more of a purist mindset where I’m like, the purpose of this is to have this playing while I’m occupied doing other things or I’m driving or whatever. There’s a place for visual medium in conversation and then there’s a place for not. And I feel like even other podcasts that have been around for years that are successful are feeling the pressure where they’re introducing video content and they’re trying to do this stuff. And it’s like, I really hope that people, oh gosh, what do we say? Hearken back to the beginnings of things. And I don’t want to say that because it’s like, I’m not trying to be anti progressive about the way things go, but there’s something great about being able to have a conversation and not have a visual stul, have something distracting you with visuals or things. And speaking about the awareness bit, it has been enough of an eye opener for me to listen to myself speaking to people and the grammatical errors I make, the stutters that I have like just the shit that you hear when you’re listening to yourself and you’re editing your own audio content. Like, I’m like, wow, you sound like an idiot. I sound twice as dumb as I.

Allie: Really am in twice as dumb as I really am now. Let’s think about that for a second.

Chris: Okay.

Allie: I think we should reframe it.

Chris: Know there’s just like a weirdness thing that I’ve had for you now where I’m. I feel like some people just think I’m dumb because of the way that I speak. I have a fairly self deprecating humor. I like to make light. And so when I listen to myself, I’m like, yeah, you sound like a moron.

You have to listen to your voice repeatedly to make it sound good

But it’s like, I know I’m not this dumb, but if I had to watch the visuals, it would be too much like if you and I right now were instead of on a $3 million soundstage, we’re on a $6 million soustage and there was all this video equipment and we had to watch the whole thing repeatedly. There’s one thing to just intake some content, it’s another to edit it so you’re like in it and then you clean something up and then you have to go back and listen to it again. And so by the time you’re done, you’ve listened to something so many times. In a way it, kind. I don’t want to make it sound so many times. If I’ve heard something more than twice, it’s almost like I’ve already heard it. Like you’re on autoilot. Like I don’t even register it anymore. But the first time, the first time it wasn’t so bad. It’s not as bad as like when you were young and you heard your voice on the answering machine. That is terrible. It’s not that bad. It’s not. I swear to God, it’s not.

Allie: Are you sure? My voice is on the auto dialer at work and I have to hear it every day. And it is. It is still awful. Okay, so it is’something about the phone.

Chris: That just makes it really bad. These microphones. Well, they are not million dollar microphones. They are. They. They’re okay. Like you’re go goingna sound good.

Caleb says his dad offers unsolicited advice all the time

Allie: All right.

Chris: the interrupting bit with finishing stories reminds me of when I was home visiting family in October. I was, Was I? Yeah, I was visiting family. I don’t remember if it was this last trip or the trip before, but I was talking to my sister in law about how, Something was going on and my dad was trying to give advice to me or to my brothers or something and it was just absolutely not correct. I mean, it was so left field.

Allie: I was gonna say that always goes great.

Chris: And you know, we all have relationships with our parents and with mine, with my dad, the rudest way I could say this is like if he gave me advice to go left, I would probably go right. It just, it’s not, it’s just is what it is. If you know my, anyone who knows my dad knows that this is not like a hate filled statement. It just is.

Allie: Bless his heart, he is a sweetheart. He’s a good man.

Chris: Yes, he’s a very nice guy, but we have completely different lives. So it just doesn’t really. It is what it is. And like, for example, I wouldn’t try to give him advice on what he should do because it would be like, don’t listen to me. Like, our lives are not the same.

Allie: I mean, you have tried to give him advice to absolutely zero avail. So it’s okay.

Chris: And he does the same thing. And it’s been, especially the older I get, the more it drives me nuts. Cause I mean, I am an adult. I’m maybe not the most responsible and self sufficient person, but relatively, yes.

Allie: Look at what you’ve done with this studio. Are you kidding me?

Chris: Thank you. Thank you. Yes. and so I was talking to my sister in law about how he just offers this unsolicited advice all the time and that it drives me nuts. I’m just constantly like, I’m just telling. You called me, you called me out of the blue to ask me how I am. And I didn’t call you to tell my breaking news, you’re calling me, which I appreciate that you actually do. But then when I’m just telling you what’s going on because you asked, I’m not necessarily asking for your advice, I’m just sharing what’s going on in my life. But my dad is like, cannot and will not let an opportunity go by without offering his advice. And so I’m telling my sister in law about this and she’s like, yeah, well, when it comes to parents. And it’s so funny when you know someone that’s been in your life that’s younger than you and then they’re telling you about something and they have a, relationship with something or an understanding that might be more mature than your own, right? And it’s like, okay, I hear you, I hear you. And she’s like, when it comes to Parent communications. You just. You kind of got to just meet them where they are. If you know what they’re going to do, then don’t get upset about it. You know, this is what they’re going to do. And she’s also a mom. I just. I don’t know if the patience is not the. My strong suit. And it is what it is. So she’s giving me this advice. I hear her. I’m saying it right now. I hear her and I’m like, okay, I can take this in. And then we’re talking about whatever, and I start saying what someone should do. And she’s like, who do you sound like?

Allie: And I was like, snap.

Chris: What? And she’s like, who do you sound like right now? And I was like, I think you’re thinking I sound like my father. And she’s like, I’m just saying you’re offering some advice to someone, and I don’t think they were asking for any. And I’m like, gosh, wow, okay. And it was totally one of those, like, eatro moments. I’m like, you’re right. And, I’m not going to, like, give you a whole bunch of your right statements. I’m just going to gesture broadly with my face and agree in whatever manner.

Allie: wait, you didn’t make her repeat it so you could record it?

Chris: Oh, go. That’s. No, that would be terrible. Although it would be actually good because then someone could just send it to me on repeat.

Allie: I actually. I’m so funny. I did that opposite. Caleb told me I was right. My son told me I was right the other day, and I made him repeat it and record it. Because now I have on video that I was right onces. Yes, but you were telling her she’s. Or sh. Yeah, it.

Chris: But no, that totally makes sense. Like you. If someone tells you you’re right, especially a kid.

Allie: Yeah. Like, it needs to.

Chris: Or your husband. Like a spouse. Like, oh, my God. Yeah. If I ever had a boyfriend ever tell me I was right, which never happened, then I wish I would have recorded it. But there’s this thing about. And I feel like there’s a parallel with the interrupting and trying to finish a story with, like, this, the unsolicited advice. I feel like I do it now.

Interruptions are tricky because on one hand it’s well meaning

I’m grappling with this. Okay. So I’m grappling with this because I’m going, obviously, I need therapy. And like, okay. So I got this trait from my father. I am a product of my parents. I was raised by this man. I Also feel like it from, it comes from a well meaning place. I’m not doing it because I’m like, you have a lesson you need to learn or I’m here to teach you something. It’s not really like that. It’s like motivated from a place of wanting to be helpful. So that’s always tough because on the one hand it’s like you could be frustrated by the interruptions and the suggestions and the finishing of stories. But then on the other hand it’s like it’s probably someone trying to relate and someone trying to demonstrate that they understand or want to share something with you. I just wish they would wait.

Allie: You know, the advice thing is tricky though because I do it all the time. All the time. And it’s. You’re just having a conversation and somebody tells you what’s going on and then in some fashion you relate it to your life or your situation. Right?

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: And then you give tidbits like when we compare some of our work scenarios and things like that and you know, easily can sit there and say, you know, in this situation I’ve done ABC xyz. Right. And it just, it can, it’s kind of topic specific though, isn’t it? Like, like there’s certain things that you can be like, yeah, maybe this would be a good option for you and this is something you should try. And then there are things that are like, no, you just listen. Yeah, you just listen. You’have to say anything back.

Chris: Well, right. And then. But things can also like just trigger your memory. You know, you’re talking about, oh, I went through this drive through the other day and I’m like, oh my gosh, I had food from there and it was terrible. And it’s like, you know, did I need to stop your story to say I’ve had a similar thing? And then you take back your story and continue. And then I’m like, I’m going toa tell my story when she’s done. But then if I’ve had more than three drinks, it might not happen because you know, it’s like I’m never going to remember to get back to this because you know that three minutes later we’re on another topic. So it’s like sometimes it’s like you got toa get the interruption in so that you can get it in. But then it’s like, no, you didn’t need to get that in. I don’t know.

Allie: I have a trick. Have I told you my trick? I don’t think I have.

Chris: I Usually write it down. What’s your trick?

Allie: My trick is if I have something I want to say, but I’m waiting for it because I don’t know if you know this, but with both of us, sometimes our stories are long. Okay, enough. Sometimes we are going very detail and very in depth on a lot of things.

Chris: Important details.

Allie: Well, obviously. But, you know, so there are times that I’m sitting there and I’m thinking about what I want to say. But I don’t want to miss what you’re saying. Right. Or anybody that I’m talking to.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: But I hold up a finger, and it can be any finger. It doesn’t matter. It’s no specific finger. Sometimes I flick the TV off as I’m on the phone with you.

Chris: Yes.

Allie: But I hold up a finger because then I remember that there was one thing. And somehow I’ll even do this at work, like, to remember things as I’m walking, like, say, back to the kitchen or something. And I need to get a few different things. I have three fingers up if I know that there’s three missions that I have. Right. And so it’there’s. Something about it that helps me remember what I’m trying to say later or that at least I had something. Now sometimes I do lose my train of thought, which we know. But.

Chris: Well, and this is it. And personal, you and I are catching up on a Friday evening. I. I don’t know that I have any tricks of the trade for myself, but at work, I have to have paper and a pencil. Like, I’m in a. M. Meeting, and I have to write down what I’m thinking if I’m not able to address it at the moment. And it’s funny because people will show up to environments particularly. I work in, like, digital technology space for the most part, and people are very like, oh, wow, you have a notebook and a pencil. And it’s like, Right. It’s not. Because I could. I guess I could type this, but, like, I’m more tactile and I want to be engaged. I want to listen to you. I’m trying to hear you and take it in while also writing down something like shorthand. Like, something quick to be like, remember youn toa talk about this.

Allie: You need to get one of those elect, like the tablet writer thingss.

Chris: Oh, jeez.

Allie: Yeah, Those are great.

Chris: I know. But when we’re talking about being a purist, I am, like, it’s funny working in the digital space and being like, I.

Allie: Like the old days, I didn’t give you a hard time about it when I got here, but seeing your little mechanical pencil about made me fall off my chair. Yeah, we couldn’t even find pencils at work. Like, people ask us for pencils all the time. There’s none.

Zero. So somebody actually brought a bunch in. I’m okay with that

Zero. So somebody actually brought a bunch in.

Chris: Because, yes, I know I have the clicky pencils, with the refillable lead, which I never refill because the erases always gone by that time. So you just throw it away. I’m big on pencils. It’s also ca becausee I like to draw homes and floor plans, so I’m gonna give myself a break on the pencils. So I’m okay with that.

Allie: Well, I’m not, but that’s okay.

You will get unprompted phone calls, or you will get phone calls

Chris: One time we were talking about phone calls from either our supervisors or a boss or a coworker. And it’s interesting because of the differences in our work. You will get unprompted phone calls, or you will get phone calls that could maybe, like, interrupt your day, interrupt your afternoon, interrupt something. and that’s just part of your work. And with working in the space that I work in, we’re generally like, it’s like lot of instant messaging, like teams or Slack, and then there’s meetings that are virtual or in person. But, like, there’s not a lot of phone calls happening because a lot of the things that I work in, or work on, there tends to be places where information is stored or communications happen that are not on the phone. So in my last job, no one would ever call me out of nowhere. Like, I would never just get a phone call from someone, but my boss would call me randomly. And at first, when I first started the job, I thought it was because she was being like, are you working? You know, like, trying to catch me. Like, trying to catch me not working. And it’s like, I’m literally working right now. Like, I. Whatever. You’re not catching me doing anything. I think it’s weird that you’re calling me unprompted. And so I would answer and I’d be like, what’s up? And she’d be like, oh, I just wanted to talk to you about this thing that we’re going toa meet about, like, next week or whatever. And I’m like, do you need me to schedule something or what do you need done? Because I’m like, going, you’re just calling me to talk about something. Like, this is crazy. And once. It’s funny that I was talking about being a purist and how, like, I like old school things. But then phone calls. It’s not even just professional. Like when my dad calls me out of nowhere, I’m like, I’m answering because this could be an emergency. I’m answering because this could be a multiple things. And then it’s like, well, I’m just chcking to see how you’re doing. I’m like, you couldn’t text me and say, hey, call me when, have a, when it’s a good time or whatever. I’m big on prompting with a text message. I’m big on saying, hey, are you available? Hey, when can we chat? Like also doing, no rush, no emergency, not urgent, so that people know that. It’s like, I’m just trying to set something up here. Now you have made fun of me for my particularities with the phone bit. How is it that people calling you out of nowhere doesn’t drive you crazy?

Allie: I mean, it’s just. It’s not something I have control over. And it is usually work related. Right? It’s about something that needs to be done or things like that. Sometimes it’s that, ah, you know, we’re in a big building and they need you to come to this place or that place or whatever. My boss in particular is not a big texter at all. Like, like just does not text. I will give you a great example though. Yesterday, I am home from work, okay, I’ve already left the building. I am home. He’s traveling. He’s out of state right now. So we were messaging on teams about a specific group event, something like that, and it was myself, another sales manager. And then our boss and myself and the other sales manager had weighed in on this conversation and I had messaged and said, okay, well, we’ll wait to see if he responds or when he responds. Otherwise. we did actually have a scheduled call last night. I said, otherwise, I’m talking to him in a couple of hours. And so once I do that, I’ll let you know he sees this message. Okay, in teams. And it was when he responds, blah, blah, blah. And he called me before our scheduled call. What am I supposed to respond to? M. You saw the message. The whole entire conversation is there. But instead of figuring it out for yourself, you’re gonna call me and now we’re gonna have a conversation about it. So I think it’s just my norm. It is just my norm that that’s how things go. I would love for more things to be communicated electronically and not have to do some of that. But inevitably it’s Phone call after. I could probably go on my phone right now and find the amount of phone calls I’ve gotten in the last three days just from work. And it’s probably a dozen, which is crazy.

Chris: Like, the number of times you are communicated with. I would be upset.

Allie: Yeah.

Chris: And, like, it just reminds me of the memes where it’s like, hey, this is just easier if we hop on a phone call and the person’s like, no. Because it’s just like, oh, my God. And my boss. My last watch. I don’t know. For some reason. Luckily before that, working mostly in tech, usually my supervisors and leaders are of the same bent as me, where they’re like, they. If they could avoid a phone call, they’ll spend 20 minutes typing shit up to not talk for five minutes. And I’m like, I don’t really care about that much. Like, I’m okay to have a phone call, but, like, we don’t need to talk about every single thing. And that my boss would call and she’d be like, so how do you feel about whatever? And I’m like, you’re calling me to see how I feel about something. Like, what is going on here? And then also that. Who. Like, it’d just be easier if we talked. And I’m like, did you even try. Did you even attempt, to get this information to me in any other manner? Because I don’t think you did. I don’t think you did.

Allie: Right. Yeah. And I just find that unless I say it out loud to people, certain times, it’s not received or heard or known.

Chris: Right.

Allie: With certain people.

Right. That’s funny. I could send you a book in an email with all of this stuff

Right.

Chris: Fair enoughes.

Allie: I could send you a book in an email with all of this stuff. In fact, I probably already have.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: But let’s definitely go through it.

Chris: That’s funny. All right, we’re gonna take a break. We’ll be right back.

Allie: Can we complain?

Chris: Can compl. Can we complain? Can we complain? Yeah.

Being in public spaces and people on speakerphone drives me nuts

So the phone stuff, like, another thing that has been driving me nuts about phone etiquette, phone use, blah, blah, blah, is being in public spaces and people are on speakerphone. It drives me nuts. It drives me nuts that it’s like, well, why don’t you. Either just like, why don’t you have earbuds in or something, or just hold the phone up to your head. I don’t know. However people are supposed to use phones. Why aren’t you doing that? And it’s like, people, And I hate to say it, but oftentimes it’s not something where it’s like, ooh, I’m getting the scoop. I’m getting the dirt. Like, oh, there’s, where they’re talking about Putin. There’s nothing good happening in the conversation because this is probably not a very bright person. So they’re talking to someone about something that’s also not very bright, and they’re just, like, going on about shit that doesn’t matter. And you notice everyone around kind of doing the double look, and they’re like, if you looked at me, you would see that I’m annoyed. And it just drives me nuts. Like, I live, in an apartment building. It’s not so bad that it happens here, because usually by the pool or something, there’s enough space. It doesn’t really bother me. It’s really about public transit and being in spaces with people where they’re, like, taking up the whole space with their audio. And it’s like, are you. You are aware that you’re not the only person here, right? Like, it’s crazy.

Allie: Right? I love when people have you on speakerphone, but they don’t tell you you’re on speakerphone. Right.

Chris: Oay.

Allie: Have you had this happen? Do people do this to you?

Chris: Well, I don’I. Don’t know when it would be a problem. I don’t know. I think. I don’t know.

Allie: I’m trying to give a good example here. So there are times that I have been in the room with somebody that is talking on speakerphone, and they don’t know I’m there. And it’s not necessarily that they have said something that’s, like, super inappropriate or something like that, but maybe are being pretty free with what they’re saying.

Chris: Yes.

Allie: Without realizing, a strangers in the room.

Chris: Yes.

Allie: Or talking about, you know, just something that maybe, like, as a courtesy. Personally, I believe that you should tell people.

Chris: Right.

Allie: Hey, by the way, I have you on speakerphone.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: Right. So I, And the only time. There’s one time it happened to me when I was speaking with Linda, oddly enough.

Chris: Okay.

Allie: Not realizing that she was in a car with other people. And I was complaininginda.

Chris: This is when you have to tell someone you’re on speaker.

Allie: I was complaining, and I was going at. I was pissed. I don’t remember what I was pissed about, but I was pissed. And I was dropping f bomb this and all this. What? I was so mad. And all of a sudden I hear two other people start laughing, and I’m like, oh, my God, tell me. You gotta tell me that other people are there. Like, who Knows what I said at this point, right? Like, I have no idea. I just think you have to be very careful. In fact, I was on the phone with my mother the other day, and I had to put her on speakerphone. And I never. I never put people on speakerphone unless I, like, have to have my phone out of my hands for a minute. It’s just not something I do. But I was on the phone with my mom, I was at work, and I put the phone down, and I said, okay, I have you on speaker, so be careful, because who knows what’s gonna come out of her mouth? You know, I just think you should warn people. I don’t think it’s fair for other people to hear an entire conversation if they don’t know. Right. Like, I just.

Chris: It’well. This is it. When you’re entering into a phone conversation, you’re assuming it’s between two people.

Allie: Right?

Chris: So, like, when you were saying, oh, this is a problem for you, and I’m going thinking about when we’ve been on the phone, I put you on speakerphone all the time.

Allie: Right.

Chris: But I’m at home alone talking to you. So it’s just really. Because I like to walk around with my phone doing whatever, the notion of. But there is something when you call someone that you think you’re in a safe space, you’re in an intimate conversation. It should be noted if other people are listening. 100%.

Allie: Yep.

Chris: It reminds me of Jill Zarin, Bethany Frankel, Real Housewives, many, many moons ago. And Jill Zaron was being a shady bitch and had Bethany on speakerphone, and Luann was listening and is nasty.

Allie: Yep.

Chris: Nasty to watch, nasty to experience. Not into that.

Allie: Yeah. It’s just. Too many things can go wrong. There’s just not a, I just think it’s a courtesy. You tell people.

You tell people. Do that on this podcast, but if someone’s listening in

You tell people.

Chris: Well, particularly, yeah.

Allie: If, around someone else, if you.

Chris: Like to complain, if you talk some trash, if you talk smart, whatever, you.

Allie: Know, I mean, not that we would.

Chris: Do that on this podcast, but if that happens and then someone’s listening in and you don’t even know and you’re, like, going off on some tangent, hopefully you’re not complaining about them, but you never know.

Allie: Right? Yeah. It’s happened to me so many times that I. And it’s more often that I’m the one hearing the speakerphone conversation than I am the one that is being listened to. Right. It’s more often that I am that person. And it’s not. It’s never been anything super Problematic. But there have certainly been times where I’m like, this is not for my ears. Right. Like, I shouldn’t be hearing this and. Or at the very least, they should know that I’m in the room with you so that they can phrase it the right way if other ears were around. Right?

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: people are so silly. It’s kind of that self awareness thing, though. It’s still just like you have to think about the things that you’re doing with other people, right?

Chris: Yes, yes.

Allie: And be respectful.

Chris: Be respectful. Oh, Miss Manners.

Allie: I know I make it sound like I’m like, all innocent and sweet and I never screw all of this up myself anyway, which we. I’m not perfect.

Chris: No, we know people. Oh, my God. What is that from? Why are you saying this?

Allie: Because remember that one time when I was telling you a very lengthy story about other people and I just kept saying I’m not perfect. I know I’m not perfect, but. I know I’m not perfect, but.

Chris: And then eventually I was like, but Al, you’re not perect. Because it was like, you have said you’re not perfect like eight times when telling me this story. It’s like, I get it, I get it.

Allie: Yes.

Chris: I love that preface, though, of like, a story. It’s like when, saying like, well and honestly. And it’s like, yep, didn’t think you were being dishonest or, like, if I’m going toa tell you the truth, like, well, were you lying?

Allie: I hope you would. Yeah.

Chris: Ah, totally.

Allie: I hope that’s what we’re here for.

Chris: Those statements are so funny. These, like, clarifiers. It’s like, I didn’t think we needed that clarified, but okay, whatever you need to do.

Allie: But also, we can still complain about other people doing things that we do. It doesn’t matter. Right? Like, we can still be mad when other people do it and acknowledge that it’s not something that we are perfect at either.

Chris: 100%. I mean, you. I hate people like me.

Allie: That’s actually kind of true.

Chris: something that hasn’t happened to me in a hot minute. And maybe it’s just because of the lack of people that care about me in my life. We’ll go with that.

People ask you if you’re okay when you actually are okay

is that, when someone asks you, like, if you’re okay, is everything okay, what’s going on? Are you okay? And you actually are okay. You’re maybe. Maybe you’re not perfect, maybe not everything’s going great, but you’re not really upset about anything. You’re just I’m trying to think an example of a time. Because usually for me, I feel like it’s like I’m trying to figure something out, or I’m planning something, or I’m trying to work out the logistics of how something’s going to happen. And then someone’s like, are you okay? And I’m like, yeah, I’m fine. And then they’re like, well, no, seriously, are you okay? And I’m like, yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine.

Allie: I got a shirt for Christmas, a T shirt that says, it’s fine, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Yes.

Chris: Oh, my gosh, that’s so great. But it’s true. I mean, I don’t know what it is about people asking if you’re okay. That makes it worse if you actually are okay. Because if you’re not okay and then you’re lying about being okay. Like, if you’re saying, no, I’m fine when you’re not, then that’s your own anger journey. That’s what you’re doing. You’re doing whatever you’re doing, and that’s fine. But when, I shouldn’t say that’s fine. That’s probably really unhealthy and manipulative, but whatever. I love how’m. Like, if you’re lying about your feelings, that’s fine. But if you’re mean, me problem.

Allie: Not a me problem.

Chris: Y. But if you’re being honest and saying, I don’t have a problem because I don’t have a problem. I’m not upset about anything, and then people will not stop, and you’re just like, I’m fine. And then it’s like, what am I supposed to do to demonstrate that I’m fine? How can I show you that I’m okay? Like, we’re doing a handstand. Show you. Because I can’t do a handstand.

Allie: Right.

Chris: Let’s talk about what else I can’t do.

Allie: I’d really like to see you try, though.

Chris: If I did a cartwheel, it would be like on a movie, on a show where someone would just falls over.

Allie: Do you. Did I tell you about the last time I attempted a cartwheel?

Chris: Oh, my God.

Allie: Have I. This was. I’m gonna say it was four years ago. I don’t know if that’s. It’s between four and six. Okay, okay, okay. And it was maybe a drunken shenanigans stay in the backyard. Right? And, of course, people are like, can we still do cartwheels? And obviously, the answer Is. No. However, the cartwheel I had done previous to that was maybe two years before that. And, I killed it, man. I am telling you, my legs were straight in the air, like, six years ago.

Chris: You did a killer cartwheel. Yes. Okay.

Allie: Yes.

Chris: I love this picture. I love this for you.

Allie: Yes.

Chris: So young, so youthful.

Allie: I know. And I was really proud. Like, I was really impressed with myself because I did not think that that’s how that was gonna go.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: And so, you know, I thought I d better try it again. I pulled a fucking muscle.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah.

Allie: My thigh or whatever that is. What’s behind your thighs? Is your hamstring or something.

Chris: What’s behind your thigh?

Allie: What is it? I don’t know. Is there a muscle there? That’s specific. Who knows?

Chris: Oh, how do you think I know the muscle?

Allie: I was speaking of videos.

Chris: I know the femur bone is in your thigh.

Allie: O. The femur bones connected to the. Whatever. so anyway, I did succeed in the cartwheel. Okay. Okay.

Chris: But injured yourself in the process.

Allie: Yes. Because in trying to hold my legs so high up, it literally pulled them. I don’t know.

The injury does not negate the success of the cartwheel, Chris says

I don’t know. It was bad. So I won’t do another one.

Chris: Okay.

Allie: But I do want to document it that I have done a couple of successful cartwheels in the last 10 years. I think that’s pretty important.

Chris: Well, was the last one so successful?

Allie: It was still a successful cartwheel.

Chris: Okay. This is it.

Allie: The injury does not negate the success of the cartwheel.

Chris: You would have gotten the full points from the judges at the Olympics.

Allie: Yes.

Chris: It doesn’t matter that you walked away with a limp.

Allie: I mean, it might have been more like a 7.5 out of 10. Right. But it was still for someone of my age and physical ability, which we don’t need to discuss.

Chris: if you’ve ever been able to do a cartwheel, hands to get your hats off to you. Because I’m one of those chubby, weird people that’s just never even been able to do one. I don’t even get it.

Allie: I don’t know how I was, but I did. I did it. And so there you have it. There you have it.

Chris: Literally, like, with gymnastics stuff and, like, those kind of things, I was never good at it. Even when I was young and in school, it’s a little embarrassing when you can’t even do, like, a cartwheel. Like, I remember there would be the things where you would, like, do a tripod thing where you’d be on your head and put your knees on your elbows and I could do that kind of stuff. But then when they were like, extend your body. Be like, I’mnna fall over. Like, I’ve just never been able to. Which is weird because I’m a relatively coordinated person. I’m an okay dancer. I’m just gymnastics. Just. It’s no core strength.

Allie: Well, same. But maybe that’s why it does, Like, I’m not a coordinated person, right? Like, I trip walking over my own feet half the time. So I don’t. It doesn’t correlate with. Somehow I’m able to do that because I’m not coordinated. I can’t dance. Right? Like, what? So.

Chris: Well, you’re an idiot savant.

Allie: I mean, I. I think that’s a compliment. I’m gonna take it as one.

Chris: You’re like, no, I’m just an idiot. Like, oh, my gosh. No. Ellie, are you upset?

Allie: I’m fine, Chris. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.

Chris: Ellie, are you mad at me? Are, you mad at me?

Allie: Ca.

Chris: Becausee I called you an idiot savat because you can do a cartwheel?

Allie: I mean, let’s be real. If I was goingna be mad at you for that now. Yeah, we can’t. That would be too.

Chris: And I’ve got to be real. I mean, it’s been four years since you did a cartwheel, so I’m not even sure that you can do one anymore.

Allie: Thank you. Thank you for that encouragement. I don’t need to ever try to do one again. To be very clear.

Chris: Oay.

Last week at work, I was really crappy. I acknowledged that I was crabby

Allie: not ever.

Chris: Never say never. Never say never.

Allie: I mean, see, now I feel like I want to do it though, because I want to prove it. Yeah.

Chris: Amen. I would be front row watching you do that cartwheel with the.

Allie: It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I think sometimes we. If people just aren’t being themselves or they’re, they’re, you know, happy, whatever. Like, it’s okay. Like, you don’t have to always be on it and you don’t always have to be upbeat and ready to go. Like, that’s fine. But when you aren’t, people, are like, what’s going on? What’s wrong? You know? And I think it’s perfectly acceptable for us to just say, I’m crabby. Right? Like, I’m crabby today. Like, it’s. If you didn’t do anything, there’s nothing crazy. I’m just crabby. And you can be crabby. However, last week at work, I was really crappy. I Can’t even remember what started it, but I acknowledged it. My reaction to something was like, whoa. Oh, my gosh. No, it was. Anyway, too many details. Can’t go there.

Chris: Y.

Allie: But. But, I just knew I was crabby, and I was responding to people shortly, you know, Like, I wasn’t. I wasn’t being my normal self. And my boss asked me what was wrong, and I said, I’m crabby. I am crabby today. Are you sure? Is there anything I can do? Nope. I’m just crabby. And that’s how I literally, how I responded. Okay.

Chris: Ye.

Allie: That’s crazy.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: Cut to, a couple hours later, I go to the bathroom and I understand why I’m crabby, okay? Because it’s that time of the month. And I’m like, okay, this is why I’m crabby. Now it’s all come together. I’m putting. And I had even messaged. I have a group chat with some of my neighbors, and I had even messaged them and saying, I am foul today. Like, my attitude is foul. I am not a nice person to be around. I don’t even know why. And then I found out why. So then my boss keeps pushing and keeps pushing, like, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Do you need something? Whatever. And what am I gonna tell him? I just got my period, okay? Like, leave me alone. Okay? But I’m not gonna say that because you don’t say that right? I’m like, just let it go. And he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t let it go. And it was so funny. So anyway, yeah, that was. That was my. My tie in into that.

Doordash is trying to let himself be lazy and not be productive

So another thing that’s been driving me nuts lately. Well, this is just a constant driving me nuts. But I’ve really been trying to let myself be lazy and not be productive all the time. Okay. I’ve really, really been trying to. If I don’t feel like doing anything, I am not doing anything. And, like, giving myself, that freedom because it’s really hard. Like, even if you don’t work a physical job, but you work a mentally challenging job, and you get home after, you know, eight, nine hours, and you’re just exhausted. And the last thing you want to do is start laundry or do the dishes or even cook dinner half the time. Thank you. Doordash. But all of the things. And I just am trying to let myself do that. But there are those outside voices, right? That’s either. Hey, you haven’t gotten this done yet. Aren’t you gonna do that in your yard? Don’t you think you. I have a nosy neighbor. He knows who he is and I love you, but, you know, and it’s this constant harassment of more things need to be getting done, more productivity. Do this, do that.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: And I have just started saying screw it. If my body is telling me that all I want to do today is sit on this couch and the only thing that I am going to do is go to the bathroom or go to the kitchen to get food and that’s it. All day. That’s fine. It’s okay to do that, right?

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: some people don’t think so.

Chris: I was gonn say you’re giving yourself some permission here.

Allie: I am. Because I have to ca. Because otherwise I’m gonna go crazy. And I. On the weekends, I really, really try. So this is my new thing. One I say it’s my new thing. Everybody that knows me is going toa say, I’ve done this all forever, but I say it’s a new thing. It is not. It’s definitely a new thing, but I’m being intentional about it. On the weekend, I want to have one day that I do nothing. I want to have one day that I do nothing. And when I am productive, I can be very productive in a fairly short period of time.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: So sometimes I’ll come home on Friday, I’ll clean the house on Friday night, sit around all day on Saturday, and then jump into whatever I need to get ready for the next week on Sunday, you know? butah I don’t. I think it’s crazy that there’s always so much pressure to do, do, do, go, go, go. Be perfect. Have everything. Like, it’s okay. Like, who cares? It’s fine.

Chris: Yeah. I’m thinking about when I was young. My dad is like, M Mr. Productivity Man. And so there’s always something to do. He doesn’t really sit down for very long. I think as he’s gotten older, that’s changed. I think he can be a little more chill now. But particularly when I was young, like when we were growing up and there was kids in the house and whatever, there was always things to do. You could do this, you could do that. If I was to say, oh, I’m just going to sit around and do nothing for three hours or I’m going to play video games, he’d be like, well, you know, you can do this or you could do that and you could do this, and there’s always something that you could be doing. Now what I liked about that is I feel like it fueled me on some level to be a ambitious person or, a person who sets goals and goes after them. Like, I do find myself getting frustrated with people that seem to have an excuse for everything and don’t seem to really ever be all that productive and then wonder why their life doesn’t change. And it’s like, well, you don’t do anything, so I don’t know why you think your life would change. but like, so I do find myself having that internal dialogue quite a bit or that, where I’m thinking, okay, you should really be doing something. I do give myself the gift of usually being one day on the weekend where I’m like, it’s just going to be easy breezy, beautiful cover girl. Like, you’re going to lay on the couch, you’re going to watch some trash tv, you’re going to eat carbs. It’s going to be a good thing. but there is something about like that whole, like wasted opportunity to be. No, not wasted opportunity. I wonder what that expectation is of being like he said, like, you could be mowing the yard, you could be shoveling the driveway, you could be cleaning your garage. You know, I could be walking my dog. I could be doing things that are making things better, quote, unquote in air quotes for someone. Something. I mean, I feel like taking pride in things that you own and maintaining things is important, but outside of that, like, I don’t know why. Because my knee jerk reaction, my internal reaction is to be like, yeah, like, don’t be lazy. Like, do something, make it better, improve things. So I don’t know where that really. I don’t know where that comes from other than just like influencer. My dad. I don’t know why we psychologically do. It’s cultural too. It’s like this cultural thing.

Allie: I’m just, I don’t know, I. I’m just tired, man. Like, I’m tired.

Chris: Right.

Allie: Maybe I’m just old and tired now. I guess that’s been in reality. Right. But I am. And it’s really hard to force yourself sometimes to power through and get those things done. Yeah, right. Like, it’s hard.

Chris: Well, so to just give yourself the gift of literally, like, don’t worry about anything right now.

One thing that has been giving you anxiety is your kitchen. It could be five or six things

You don’t have to. You actually don’t have to.

Allie: No.

Chris: So then pressure coming from outsiders doesn’t help because you’re already putting that pressure on yourself. There’s a voice that you’re minimizing or you’re putting round corners on, or you’re petting and making pretty or whatever. so you don’t really need other people lagging on you for doing nothing as well.

Allie: No. But the other piece of it too is like, okay, let’s talk this in complete circles, right? Because I want that lazy time. I need it like I need it physically and emotionally. I need that.

Chris: Ye.

Allie: But the other piece is that when you have that to do list and whatever it is, right. It could be five or six different things that, you know, you got to get done. Right. And you’ve been avoiding it for weekse. Because I just can’t. I just can’t. I just can’t handle that right now. I can’t do that. I’ve got to do this instead. Or I just am too tired or, I’m. Whatever. But it’s been on your mind, it’s been in your anxiety, right. For however long, thinking, I have to get this thing done. And you push it off, and you push it off, and you push it off. And then you finally go to do it. It takes you five freickaking minutes. Takes you five minutes to do that one thing that has been on your to do list and giving you anxiety for weeks.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: And that’s when I get mad at myself. Because if it’s. If I’m letting it still give me anxiety and stress me out, then I really just need to get up and take care of it. So that. That’s gone too, you know? And I don’t always balance that perfectly. Yes, that’s what I noticed.

Chris: Well, a recent example that I can think of is even I just had my annual, holiday party. I throw a Christmas slash holiday party thing every year. And, the older I get, the quicker I tend to clean up afterwards. Meaning never the night of God, never the night of. I am not that guy. But the next morning I’ll wake up and be like, this is a disaster. Oh my gosh. And, then it’s like you’d get rid of the trash and then you get the dishes ready and you do the things and there’s. You have your. My methodology, have your approach. And the older I get, the more I’ve been like, the morning I get up, I do it, it’s done. I get it over with by, Usually what I do is because I generally have a healthy hangover, I’m also like ordering food. So what I’ll do is be like, once you get to a certain point where you’re going to cross the finish line in a half hour, you put in that Food order so that when you’re done, you sit on the couch, eat those carbs, and enjoy that lazy ass day that you earned by partying too hard the day before.

Allie: Oh, my God.

Chris: but years ago, I maybe would have left that sit till the next day or something. Like, okay. Particularly if your kitchen isn’t like, in your face all day. It’s like, out of sight, out of mind. but then I think more as I’ve had m more newer construction apartment buildings where the kitchen’s like, right there. There’s no really way to escape it. It’s just kind of been like, you have to do this. You have to do this. Just do it. And so I expected this last weekend with my holiday party that Saturday morning, I would just get up and clean, clean, clean. And it would be great, great, great. And I did a party part of it. Like, I think I threw away some stuff. Like, I got a couple garbage bags full and recycling things and took that out. And then there was just like all of the, like, glassware and the serving things and the whatever. And I kind of moved them to a place and then was like, I’m done for this. I’m done with this now. Like, whatever. And then I had the rest of the day where I. Well, I had taken photos of at my party. So I, cleaned up some photos and posted them online and kind of responding to people from the day before. Random things. Then I was watching tv, Time passes at another brick to the wall. And then the next morning, I’m like, oh, my gosh, I can smell the, like, pickle olives, sodas, things like, ugh. And I’m like, kris, you need to clean this up now. So even though I’m on top of post party cleanup, this last one I slid back into being like 26 from 30, from 40. I mean, it was a slide back. And then it was pretty embarrassing because the next day I had that moment of like, why didn’t you just do this? Like, this is ridiculous. Now you’re doing it on Sunday. You had your gathering on Friday. Like, this is pathetic. So that felt great.

Allie: Well, I won’t tell you how long it took me to clean up from Thanksgiving then. But that’s okay. there’s two things that I’ve. I’caught myself. Do it. Well, no Fingers upger. See? See, I’m telling you, I have all these little tricks.

Chris: Fingers up.

Allie: Listen to me, folks, okay?

On the weekends, I do find it hard to get motivated

I. On the weekends, I do find it hard to get up and get motivated. Right? Like, that’s really really hard. So if I am gonna try to accomplish something on a weekend, it’s probably starting at like, noon. Not that I’m sleeping until noon because I can’t do that anymore, unfortunately. Thank you. but I’ll leave it a little. But when I come home on weeknight. Okay. And the first thing I want to do is sit down on the couch. I don’t want to do anything. I really, really, really don’t. But I usually try. So, like, my son’s usually gone a couple of nights during the week. And I like, he comes. He’s go usually Wednesday, Thursday, so he comes home Friday. And I like when he comes home on Friday after school for the house to be clean. Right. Like, I don’t want my dishes still in the sink. And I don’t. So I’ll take either Wednesday or Thursday night typically. And I will try to knock that out, but it’s really hard because you come home Thursdays especially. I don’t know. It’s like that. It’s almost the weekend, but it’s not yet. It’s that horrible day just drags. But I try so, so hard. The kicker, the thing you can’t do, you can’t take off your shoes. Okay, hear me out. Okay.

Chris: Ye.

Allie: If I take my shoes off, I’m m starting to get into cozy modees. That the immediate, like, I don’t even think about it. And I’m on the couch, right? Like, I’m just. That’s where I am. But if I keep those shoes on, I can walk to the sink and do the dishes. I don’t have a dishwasher, which is part of the problem. It takes me forever to do anything. But I walk to the sink. I will put on a podcast. I will do those dishes and I keep my shoes on. And that can be any pair of shoes. I’m not. I can be my heels. And I will still get it done because I didn’t take my shoes off and I didn’t sit down.

Chris: Yeah.

Allie: And it just. It’s a miracle. I don’t know how I do it, but it works so well.

Chris: It’s a good suggestion for someone who comes home and instantly gets into comfort mode and then is like, why aren’t I doing anything? Like, don’t get into comfortable.

Allie: Don’t you just. You stop there. And then I like, good job, Allie. You did it. Good job. Good. Look at you go. Look at you. This is. I pep talk myself the whole fucking way through. I am not kidding you. I kept talk myself, okay. Because it is good because you know what? Sometimes it’s really hard to accomplish all of these things, and I think that we should. Should pat ourselves on the back and especially if I’ve made things, you know, look cute or nicer or switch stuff. So I’m like, yeah, look at you go. Yeah. Okay, so do that reward yourself pep talk yourself. Okay, okay. Sometimes you can get that shit done.

Chris: I feel like I might be the opposite, where I need to stop giving myself so many kudos. I’m like you.

Allie: That is one of our differences.

Chris: Yeah. I’m like, look at you. You’re overachieving. And it’s like, all I did was, like, the bare minimum. and I’m like, God, I am ‘a rock star. I’m amazing.

Allie: Okay, maybe you don’t need to give yourself Peptoxis.

Chris: That’s amazing.

Allie has some final words for our listeners at home

All right, well, thank you so much for joining me today, Allie. It’s so great. You’re going to be one of the first, co hosts, special guests, reoccurring guests. Not quite sure how this formula is gonna pan out. Just playing it by ear, in a sense. but I love that you took the time to come here today to the. This, multim. Million dollar recording studio. Again, really nice work, to do this with me. I really appreciate that. do you have any final words for our listeners at home?

Allie: you know, just be self aware, kids. Just be self aware. Okay.

Chris: Try to be self aware and give yourself pep talks. If you’re not doing so well, don’t.

Allie: Take off your shoes. Okay? It’ll be. Hold up your finger and don’t take off your shoes.

Chris: Don’t take any advice from us and you’ll be fine.

Allie: Yes.

Chris: All right. I love you, honey.

Allie: Love.